Mistakes Made
by Valora
Summary: TFP- based. A stasis pod crashes, a bot is retrieved- a bot whose nature turns out to become a massive problem for team Prime. Caution: HOT!
1. The Stasis Pod

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

So… I just needed to write a fun little thing to get my head off of work for a change. Something that's not an opus magnum. So have fun ;)

WARNING: This fic will contain lots of steamy robot sex in later chapters. No like, no read!

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter One: The Stasis Pod**

The likelihood of today's mission to end in a dangerous encounter with the Decepticons was extremely small. After the Autobots' last victory mere days ago, they were still licking their wounds and probably replenishing their energon supply. Still, Arcee and Bulkhead remained cautious as ever as they approached the object they had been sent to retrieve.

The stasis pod had entered the atmosphere a mere fifteen minutes ago, it's outside still hot from the atmospheric entry. The homing beacon was of Autobot origin, though it wasn't clearly identifiable. Before they threw a glance inside, they would have no idea who had just crashed in the wilderness of Banff National Park, Canada.

The pod had crashed into a steep rock wall near Mt Forbes and had slithered a long way towards the densely forested valley until it was stopped by a large tree. Meeting any humans in this remote area was unlikely, and except for the occasional wildlife the two Autobots were completely alone out here.

"Ugh, forest… think I'll stay up here. Call me when you need help." Bulkhead said, unwilling to leave the somewhat clear area above the pod.

"Sure. Wouldn't want you to get stuck." Arcee replied, not without a slightly mocking undertone, then hopped down towards their objective, making use of the mowed over trees as she descended. The large green mech shrugged, glancing down the path the stasis pod had cleared earlier.

The small and nimble femme reached the stasis pod quickly and, after landing on top of it gracefully, examined it for damage or any indications of danger. She wouldn't have been the first bot blown up by a rigged pod. There was nothing suspicious about it though.

She checked her long range sensors. Still no enemy activity. Then she continued to the small window near the top of the pod.

It was blackened from the outside just like the rest. Arcee scrubbed at it until she could see what- or who- was inside. The sight before her unsettled her.

It was a femme. Young, barely an adult, nobody familiar. What was unsettling though was the obviously panicked expression on her face, frozen mid- scream, hands clawing at the window in front of her; she had obviously been desperately trying to get out before stasis had been initiated.

"Arcee? What's taking so long?" The larger Autobot yelled across the distance.

"All clear." She commed back after a moment. "Let's haul it up."

A grappling hook was quickly shot down and attached to the pod, and within moments Arcee was on her way back up, riding the stasis pod like a surfboard and pushing crushed branches and shrubs out of the way. Once it was out in the open, Bulkhead lifted it up onto his shoulder and they made their way back to the ground bridge.

The young femme woke with a start. Struggling to fight off whatever was touching her when she suddenly felt a warm hand gripping her shoulder firmly.

"Easy. Nobody is going to hurt you."

"What- where am I? Who are you? Everything's so blurred-" she almost shouted frantically, shivering not only from the resident cold in her system, but also with agitation.

"Sssh, calm down, young one. You have been in deep stasis for a very long time. Your processor and sensors are still not up to operating temperature. You'll be fine in a few astroseconds. To answer your questions, you're on an Autobot outpost on earth. My name is Ratchet, I'm the medic here."

She didn't move for a moment, stiff as a board, then she started to relax slowly.

"I'm so cold…"

"Well, you just kicked your thermal blanket off. There." He pushed her back down onto the medical berth gently and covered her with the blanket. She was still freezing, but she was also feeling the warmth from the electrically heated blanket seeping into her limbs slowly.

"Now, I'm gonna ask you a few questions. If you get confused or cannot remember right now that's alright, I'll just ask again later."

The young bot nodded slowly, squinting to try and take in her surroundings.

"What is your name?"

"Silica."

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"I…" she said hesitatingly, closing her optics with a frown. "I remember… being on a ship. Someone grabbed me and shoved me into that stasis pod. I didn't know why they were doing it… I got scared and tried to get back out, but they wouldn't let me. Next thing I remember is waking up here."

Ratchet leaned in closer. "Whose ship was it? Where were you headed? Was there an attack?"

The young femme looked at him. She could see a little bit clearer now. The white mass she had registered earlier was slowly taking the shape of a mech. "Attack? No… no I don't think so. Those other things I don't remember."

"Alright. That's fine for now. I'll just take a quick scan now to make sure the enduring cold hasn't damaged your systems." The old medic said with the friendliest tone he could muster, adjusting some settings on his scanner. When he was finished, he took a moment to analyze his results. His mouth twitched.

"Uh, you seem to be fine. Rest now. Yell if you need me, I'll be just in the next room."

Still quite dizzy and somewhat unsure what to make of this situation, Silica pulled the blanket closer. Maybe he was right, she should try to get some rest.

In the next room, Arcee and their leader, Optimus Prime, were watching the monitors and waiting for any news regarding the new arrival.

"We've got a problem." Ratchet stated bluntly after he had entered and closed the door behind himself.

"A problem? What kind of problem?" Arcee asked from her spot by the ground bridge control, her arms crossed over her chest. Optimus slowly turned around to face the medic as well.

"I just scanned her. She's a breeder."

Optimus frowned. "Have you been able to talk to her?"

"Yes, but apart from her name and having been shoved into a stasis pod, she doesn't seem to remember much yet. Considering the approximate age of that stasis pod, she must have been in the second or third wave of Cybertronians fleeing our home planet. Taking into the equation the time and circumstances of that incident, next to her nature…"

"…her being a breeder probably was the reason someone put her in there in the first place." Arcee finished.

"Precisely. Which is exactly what we should do as well."

"Please, let us not rush to a conclusion without fully assessing the situation." Optimus said, raising his hands in a calming gesture. "There must be other ways to deal with this."

"Well…" Ratchet started, scratching the back of his head. "…there _is_ a certain risk of permanent damage due to prolonged stasis. But Optimus, we can't afford to have a breeder here. She would cause nothing but chaos. None of us would be safe… except Arcee maybe."

"Isn't that reassuring. Can't you just meddle with her programming? Deactivate the breeder part?" The blue femme inquired. Ratchet snorted.

"It's in her _core programming_ , it _cannot_ be changed. Breeders exist to reproduce. She is still quite young, so that part of her programming might still be dormant. But it won't stay that way. And when it activates, she will stop at nothing to, you know…" he didn't have to actually vocalize the last part, they all knew what he was talking about.

"To sentence a bot to a life in stasis for something that is an instinct rather than a choice of will cannot be the answer. We cannot put her back in the stasis pod, and we cannot let her wander the planet on her own. I will not risk her falling into the hands of the Decepticons. There is no telling what they would do to her."

"You want to keep her here? Optimus, have you lost your mind? This is crazy!" Ratchet was indignant at the prospect of having a breeder stay at their base. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Maybe there's another way. Ratchet, can't you make some sort of… medication? Something that suppresses the breeder programming?" Arcee inquired. If there were ways to cure bugs, there had to be ways to handle this in a similar way, right?

"It has never been done before. I'll need to take an energon sample and research the subject, but maybe, with the right formula in combination with some mechanical aid… it might just suppress her urges enough for her to become sociable, but the medication would need to be very heavy to take any effect and the side effects would be accordingly strong."

Optimus was slowly walking up and down in the room by now, his hands clasped behind his back. When Ratchet finished talking, he stood, his back towards the other two Autobots.

"Very well. For now, this seems to be our best option." He turned around and nodded at his medic. "You may proceed, Ratchet."

"Fine." Ratchet left the main hangar again without saying another word. Saying he was unhappy with the current approach was an understatement, but as he didn't have any better ideas, he left it at that for now.

"You're sure this is a good idea?" Arcee asked the commander after the medic was gone.

"No. But doing the right thing requires the ability to compromise more often than not."


	2. Medical Issues

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter Two: Medical Issues**

It took Ratchet two weeks to develop a medication that would- hopefully- relieve them of their problematic situation.

Remarkably, Silica, who'd made a full recovery from her long odyssey in space, didn't show any suspicious behavior. Yet.

She had managed to recall a few more things from her past. That she had grown up near Crystal City on Cybertron, that the refugee ship she had been on had been commandeered by an Autobot captain called Onyx and headed towards Hyperion. Past that they still didn't know much about her, mostly because she usually kept to herself and never said more than she really had to.

Optimus, for his part, didn't know what to do with her. She didn't seem all that interested in interacting with anyone, human or Autobot, nor did she ever ask to be allowed outside or mention having been trained in, well, pretty much anything. He was used to dealing with seasoned or at least aspiring warriors, scientists, engineers, in short: specialized bots who had at least some clue as to what they were doing and were eager to, well, do something.

He didn't believe her to be of low intellect, far from it; the precise and smart answers she gave when she was asked something proved it. Maybe, he wondered, the young femme just didn't know what to do with herself. With a bot who preferred to spend most of her time alone and in silence, it was hard to tell though.

It did get a little better when Ratchet started administering the medication, so now while she was still very shy, she was now trying to be at least a little bit useful whenever she could. Bumblebee's presence seemed to be making her feel comfortable. His young age might have been the reason they were getting along rather well. At times, she could even be found watching him and Rafael playing video games, although she usually refused to join in.

The humans didn't know about her condition. It had been decided that, since she would pose no kind of threat to them, it would be treated like a standard medical issue: confidentially. It wasn't necessary for them to know and Optimus wanted to spare the children the details.

"Come on, you can do it."

"I… don't know."

"Of course you can. Come on!" Bumblebee reassured the young femme again. He fell back into a fighting stance, starting to circle her in the middle of the training room. She was a bit taller than him, not exactly weak either- he thought she would make a formidable warrior… if she could bring her limbs to do as she wanted.

"I'll just fall on my butt again."

"This time you won't. Come at me!"

Silica sighed, then flexed her shoulders before crouching. When she thought the moment was right, she bolted towards the yellow mech, trying to tackle him- which he answered with a slight push to her head and a nonchalant step to the side. She almost lost her balance, but managed to not go down face first for a change.

"Tackling only really works in a fight if your opponent doesn't see you coming." Bumblebee explained. "Just now, I had about two seconds to react to your attack. Remember, I showed you a few other things. Surprise me."

She tried to regain her countenance. Her large blue optics focused on the scout once again. This time she charged him again, but slower, skidding to a halt in front of him and starting a forward kick as a feint, turning her hip when her leg was halfway up to hit him from the side; only she underestimated her momentum, whirled around as a result, lost her footing and fell backwards- right into Bumblebee's arms.

She felt his strong body against her back, his armor scraping against hers.

"Okay, you've won."

"Not yet, I haven't." He chuckled, tightening his grip around her waist. "How do you escape if an enemy catches you from behind?"

"No really, I give up." She said more urgently, trying to ignore the heat starting to pool in her abdomen. She could feel how warm his body was, how his thick armor moved against her ever so slightly, his hips pressing into her backside so deliciously…

"Come ooon~" he sang teasingly.

It was too much for her, the strength in his hold, his body against hers, his _smell_ … she moaned. Loudly.

"What the-" He released her immediately, confused as he watched the femme stumble away from him.

"Uh… thanks for the lesson, Bee. I need to get going!" She mumbled hastily, then hurried out of the room and down the hallway.

Once Silica had reached her room, she rushed inside and locked the door behind her. Her skidplate hit the ground with a heavy thud as she let herself slide down onto the floor. A sob escaped her. Oh damn her and that treacherous body of hers! Why did she have to turn every single interaction with another bot into an awkward situation? Why were there always those thoughts in the back of her processor?

It wasn't acceptable, wasn't appropriate, it made everything so difficult.

She thought back to what had happened just now. The yellow mech had felt so good pressed up against her like that… oh how she's wished, just for a moment, he would have just bent her over and…

The white and green femme had started touching herself without noticing it. Her hands were wandering across her body, one upwards to her neck, to find the sensitive spots there, the other downwards, to reach for the insufferable heat that had collected between her thighs.

Her port covering popped open immediately and she didn't hesitate to plunge two fingers deep into her soaking entry.

Yes, Bumblebee was a very handsome mech, albeit there might have been too much of a youngling left in him.

She was pumping her fingers in and out of her throbbing port furiously now, arching her back when she added another finger. She needed more.

There was another mech on base though, one with nearly perfect genetics: tall, incredibly handsome, strong, mature and intelligent… she moaned only thinking about him. And she needed more still.

In a lustful haze, she crawled over to the storage compartment next to her berth, where she kept the… _tool_ Ratchet had made to help with her occasional conditions. It was thick and long, with little rows of nubs along its sides for stimulation. Her port ached due to the lack of touch while she was retrieving it.

With her knees on the floor and her chest resting on the edge of her berth, she rammed the entire thing up her most intimate area in one go, imagining it was this one mech taking her roughly.

"Optimus…" she moaned, rocking with the thrusts she administered on herself, trying to make herself believe there was actually another bot participating… but there wasn't. She couldn't possibly mimic the strength of a mech thrusting at the height of passion. There was no warm body grinding against her, no hot breath against the back of her neck. No clanging of his hips meeting hers, no hands gripping her…

The pleasure that had been built up until now was starting to ebb away again.

"No no no, come on!" It couldn't happen again now, she was so close already! Desperate to reach relief, she doubled her efforts, clenching her optics shut and trying to visualize the Autobot leader. His broad shoulders, strong arms and long legs. That small smile of his, making his handsome face look ever so beautiful. That smile she had seen only a few times, in those few quiet moments when everything was peaceful. His slender hips that would fit between her legs so snugly…

She imagined the things he would do to her, the way his fingers would dig into her armor as overload washed through him- and she knew it would feel absolutely nothing like what she was currently doing to herself.

She stopped. This was pointless. She would never reach her peak like that, and even if she did, it would only numb her hunger for a short while. Burying her face in her forearms on the berth, Silica felt her processor ache returning. Those aches had gotten worse ever since she had started taking the medication Ratchet had given her.

It didn't really work all that well anyway, but she hadn't told the medic for fear he would increase the daily dose. And therefore, her frequent processor aches.

She decided not to leave her room for the rest of the day. Silica was feeling ashamed of her inability to reign herself in, and she dreaded the thought of encountering any of the mechs. This day would end just like so many others: with her lying awake on her berth, trying to recharge but being denied by her unfulfilled urges. It would be a long night.

Optimus Prime was tired. And cold. And dirty. Patrolling the country roads in the Great Plains was usually rather relaxing, but not right after harvesting season, when the streets were full of muck the agricultural machines brought with them on their way off the fields. And definitely not when it was raining on said muck, turning the streets into one large swamp.

He drove through the groundbridge and transformed as soon as he was inside the base. Dirt crunched between his armor plates and came off him in lumps, a puddle quickly formed where he was touching the floor.

"Come on, Optimus, really?" Ratchet groused, putting his hands on his hips. Next to the Decepticons, there was barely a thing he detested more than dirt. On _his_ floor, none the less. Who knew what sorts of horrible earth microorganisms were hiding in those dabs?

"Sorry." The Prime grumbled tiredly. "Is there any news from Bumblebee and Arcee?"

Ratchet shook his head. "They haven't reported in yet. I'll let you know when they do."

Optimus sighed. He had been driving all day, without finding a single trace of Decpeticon activity in the area. It made him feel uneasy not to know what they were up to.

Anyway, he needed to clean up. Badly.

"In that case, I will go take care of myself."

"Do that." The medic shook his head, offended by the trail of dirt his leader left behind as he walked towards the showers. He was about to get the mop when Silica walked into the main hangar.

"I'll get it." She said as she walked past him. She didn't have anything else to kill her time with anyway. Also, Ratchet had enough to do manning the groundbridge and the monitors.

In her usual deliberate way, she started cleaning the floor, starting with the groundbridge and working her way along the trail of mud. As it was quite a lot of dirt, it took her a while to get all of it, so by the time she reached the door to the shower room, she assumed that Optimus was already done and might have been in his quarters. After listening for a moment to make sure but not hearing anything from inside, she opened the door and stepped into the room to finish her cleaning.

Only Optimus wasn't finished yet.

He was standing in the back, next to the table in the corner, and scrubbing away at his upper body armor he had taken off for that purpose, his chest, arms and shoulders exposed down to the protoform.

Silica just stood there, staring at his backside. He was easily the most attractive mech she had ever seen. He looked good with his armor on, but without it, he was a whole new level.

The instant wetness behind her port covering betrayed her thoughts. She needed that mech.

Optimus heard something shift behind him and turned around. Surprisingly, it was Silica, completely motionless and with a mop in her hands.

"I- I'm sorry, I didn't know you were still-",she stammered, turning to leave again.

"It's alright. I am almost finished." He wasn't all that bothered she was seeing him with half his armor off. The many years of war and the resulting minimalistic lifestyle they were all leading had gotten him used to a minimum amount of privacy. He continued cleaning his armor without wasting a second thought on the possibility that for her, it probably wasn't the same.

Silica shook her head slowly in an attempt to regain her senses- to no avail. Still, she gripped the mop tighter and started wiping up the end of the mud trail.

"Actually…",she started, feeling her faceplates become uncomfortably hot, "I've been meaning to talk to you anyway."

"Yes? Is there a problem?" He turned around to face her again. She stopped cleaning to look up at him.

"Uh, yes… I mean no. Well, maybe…"

Optimus walked up to the unsettled femme, putting a hand on her shoulder and smiling reassuringly. "There is no need to be shy. You can tell me. I will try to help you to the best of my abilities."

That he didn't mean it the way she was tempted to interpret it was clear. Still, especially now that he was so close, she had to suppress a pleasurable shiver.

"You don't know what you're saying. I… ever since I arrived, you've all been so good to me. You're all working so hard to keep this place safe. I'm feeling so ashamed." His hand was so wonderfully heavy. And big. She wondered what those strong fingers would feel like, buried deep within her…

"I know it's hard to not be able to contribute much. But in time, things will change. You are young, and there is much for you to learn. You will find your place eventually, I assure you."

"Yes but… that's not what I'm trying to say." He cocked his head to the side a bit, confused. What else could she be talking about? "I… need…"

"Yes?"

She took his other hand in her smaller one and guided it to her behind. "…you. I need you."

The large mech pulled his hand away immediately, his optics widened in realization. She couldn't possibly mean…

"Silica. Have you taken your medication?"

"I have!" She sobbed. "I have but I just can't control myself! I can't recharge and I can barely think straight! I can't keep using that artificial… _thing_ Ratchet made, it just doesn't work that way! Please sir, I… I need you inside me…"

The femme was clinging to him by now, her protruding chest pressed against his bare protoform. _Now_ he was embarrassed. He could feel her sparkbeat through her armor and it made him tingle all over. His core temperature made a leap. But no, he told himself, this was definitely _not okay_. Ever so gently, he started prying her off of himself.

"Please, Silica. You need to stop." Optimus tried to calm her down, but she seemed rather unreceptive concerning that matter.

"I need this…" she cried, tears welling up in her optics. "I need it just like I need energon… please, Optimus… I'm starving…"

He looked down at her, how she was standing there, shivering and in tears. It was breaking his spark to see any bot like that. But what she was asking of him went way too far.

"I cannot do this. I'm sorry."

"You think I'm ugly. Is that it?" The white and green femme wrapped her arms around herself. Optimus sighed, taking another look at the young femme. She had a pretty face, with large blue optics and a shapely mouth, her body was curvy and well proportioned, with wide hips and a narrow waist, her armor clinging to her protoform nicely... this femme was anything but ugly. Not that it really mattered.

"No, you are beautiful. I mean that. But engaging in such… activities would not be right. I cannot take advantage of you in such a way."

Silica sniffed, wiping the tears off her face. "How could you possibly be taking advantage of me when I am the one in need of this?"

"Rash actions are simply not something I can afford in my position. Do you understand that?" He went down on one knee so he could be closer to her optic level. "You should go see Ratchet. Surely he can-"

"No. I'd rather spend the rest of my life locked up in my room than let him flood my system with even more medicine." She seemed angry all of a sudden, taking a few steps back. "He treats me like I'm sick. Like it's not okay for me to be the way I am."

"He's a medic. He knows what's best for you." Optimus stated. He was remembered of how tired he was and this encounter was getting more and more mentally exhausting.

"But does he know what it's like to be a breeder? To be permanently deprived of something so essential?" The pain on her face was so rough, her desperation… Optimus felt stupid, confronted with this different form of cybertronian life. She was telling the truth. It was like not grasping the concept of a suffocating human needing air to breathe, and watching it die slowly instead, accusing it of being addicted to air. Her voice sounded weak when she continued.

"I could feel how my touch aroused you. Don't try to deny it. You might not need this as badly as I do, but you need it all the same. Why can't you just forget your rank, just for a moment, and enjoy what I have to offer?" The Prime shook his head vehemently, got back up and walked over to the table to finish cleaning his armor. Yes he wanted to end her misery, but this was way too personal for his taste.

"This discussion is over. You should go talk to Ratchet."

Her face contorted in what seemed to be real agony. But she said nothing more. Instead, she just turned and left.

Optimus let out a heavy breath. He, the supreme commander of all Autobots, the mighty and seasoned warrior, was feeling completely helpless.


	3. Guilty Pleasures

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

Finally, the chapter I've been looking forward to X3

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter Three: Guilty Pleasures**

His last encounter with the Autobot base's newest inhabitant kept Optimus' mind busy. Again, he didn't know what to do with her, but now the problem had taken on a whole new dimension. She was suffering, that much was clear, but because of that, she wasn't in her right mind either. Should he comply, he pondered while analyzing a set of long range scanner data they had just received via satellite, she might gain a moment of clarity- to regret what she had just done.

Only… _would_ she regret it? Primus knew none of the femmes he'd ever been with had done so, but he had never been involved with anyone even remotely similar to Silica. All of them had been strong willed, independent on a high level, mature and powerful.

Silica was… he didn't actually know her that well. She was friendly and shy, that was pretty much all he knew about her, apart from being a breeder. Sure, she was attractive. Her silky white plating with the bright green accents had felt divine pressed against his chest, her wide hips would even be able to accommodate-

No! What was he thinking? He shook his head silently and refocused. He had work to do. Getting sidetracked would only slow him down.

He evaluated the data he had received for about fifteen minutes before his thoughts began to stray again.

It had been a long time since he had been intimate with another bot. Ever since Elita's death, he'd been abstinent. How long had it been? About three hundred stellar cycles? His brows furrowed. He had loved that femme. More than anything in the universe. His rank, his people his life- he would have given it all up for her. Only she'd never wanted him to give up anything. She had been his faithful companion, both on the battlefield and in private.

And then, one day, she had been taken away from him.

The pain never really went away. He'd learned to live with it, but he still missed her. And he probably would for the rest of his life.

But… what Silica was proposing was no relationship like his and Elita's had been. He'd once heard that breeders developed no special emotional bond with the mechs they chose to lay with, nothing more than friendship that was. They were promiscuous by nature- finding a partner for life wasn't important, but finding a good sire for their next sparkling was.

Back on Cybertron, even before the war, they had been rare. Some had detested them, others, especially couples who couldn't conceive sparklings themselves, had often accepted them in their relationship readily when they got the chance, to form a temporary trine. They usually stayed until the sparkling had reached its early youngling years, then left.

Next to Silica, he didn't know of any living breeder. She might very well have been the last of her kind, preserved by the very bots who had gotten rid of her.

Maybe she really wouldn't regret it. She seemed to have her reasons for approaching him, of all bots on base. If he kept denying her, she might reconsider though. What would happen then? He knew his little team of Autobots very well. What would each of them do in his situation?

Ratchet would deny her. As he would put it, he was 'too old for such foolishness'. Bumblebee and Bulkhead however weren't that old. And they would probably be swayed more easily. But both of them tended to get attached to others _just as_ easily. In the end, they would be devastated emotionally.

He had learned to let go. It had taken many painful lessons, but as a leader of so many, it was an unavoidable ability. He'd sent bots to their deaths, knowingly, to save countless others. He'd let loyal soldiers volunteer for suicide missions, let them sacrifice themselves so others could live to fight another day. If there was anyone who knew how to let go, it was probably him. Of course it hurt. Every single death hurt, be it Autobot or Decepticon.

But he, Optimus Prime, couldn't break. For the sake of his people.

When it came to sparklings, well, siring them had never been a thing he thought he could account for. Not during a war, and definitely not being the Prime. Next to being at risk of being targeted by his enemies, they required a lot of time and they deserved to grow up in safety- and both time and safety were things he just couldn't grant. Having a sparkling grow up without them didn't seem fair.

Thankfully, he still had his inbuilt inhibitor, which would make it impossible for any femme to get pregnant with his offspring. Basically it jumbled his coding so it couldn't be deciphered by his partner's reproductive system. He'd had it installed shortly after he had become Optimus Prime.

Concerning what path of action he would take concerning the femme, there was still time, he thought, until he had to make his final decision. This matter was not to be rushed.

"Silica! Get your aft out of there!" Ratchet yelled at the closed door, trying to get the femme to come out. "You haven't refueled for days! Don't make me kick this door in!" He listened. No response. On his life signal scanner, which he could use to watch the health levels of team Prime's members, he could see her energy level was dangerously low. None of them had seen her for three days- she'd simply locked herself in her room and refused to come out or even talk to anyone.

"Alright, I'm coming in, whether you want it or not!" Still, silence from the other side of the door. "Get away from the door, femme! One, two-"

"What is this noise all about?" Ratchet heard the familiar baritone of Optimus Prime, disrupting his countdown and plan to kick in the door.

"Optimus! This femme is driving me crazy! I refuse to put up with this nonsense any longer!"

"She still has not come out?" Optimus asked, mustering the door thoughtfully.

"Of course not!" The old medic fumed.

"May I?" Ratchet stared at his Prime for a moment, then he sighed in defeat.

"Fine. I don't have the nerves for this. Maybe she'll listen to you." He handed his old friend a cube of energon he'd kept in his subspace pocket. "Make her drink this if you can. She's severely under- energized."

"Thanks, Ratchet." Optimus smiled at the white and red mech, who turned around and left. He leaned in close to the door then so he didn't need to yell.

"Silica? Please open the door." Nothing happened.

"I need to talk to you. Please let me in." Silence. One second, two, three- a quiet clicking sound could be heard from the door's locking mechanism. Optimus smiled and opened the door gently, closing it again after he'd let himself in.

The lights were dimmed to a minimum inside, the floor was littered with Silica's very few personal belongings and some pieces of upturned furniture. The femme herself was standing next to the wall, facing away from the door. Her side leaning against the concrete, she had her arms wrapped around herself, her shoulders sagged.

For a while, he just stood there watching her. Finally, he managed to speak. "I… think I need to apologize for how I behaved the last time we talked. You were distressed and I failed to see that. I am sorry."

"Distressed… that's putting it mildly." She rasped. From the sound of her voice, he could tell she had been crying. Very slowly, as if fearing he would scare her off with a sudden movement, he came closer until he was about half an arm's length from the female. He outstretched his hand, but hesitated. Optimus quickly gathered himself again though, and put his hand on top of her head to pat her tenderly.

"I was overwhelmed back then. But I understand you didn't mean to offend. That you are in fact suffering and are in dire need of help." He could feel she was shaking. Her hands left their cramped positions by her sides and went to take a hold of his wrist. Silica buried her face in his large hand and started crying.

"Come here…" Optimus rumbled quietly, pulling her into a warm embrace and lifting her up. She was nowhere near as tiny as Arcee, but he still carried her as if she weighed nothing. After sitting down on the edge of her berth, he cradled her to his chest like a youngling and rocked her back and forth soothingly.

She kept crying for quite a while as she clung to him like her life depended on it. He didn't mind. In fact it was quite touching how much she trusted him, even though they hadn't known each other for a long time yet. She felt so fragile in his large arms. Eventually, her spark- wrenching wails quieted to occasional sobs and sniffs, then went silent altogether. He was still holding her.

"So." She started, her voice still rough but sounding a little less torn. "What now?"

"What now." He repeated as he let her snuggle her head up beneath his chin. "I have been thinking about this a lot lately and the decision didn't come easily. But… if what you suggested really is what you need and what you want, I shall comply."

Her optics widened, she pulled away from him a little bit to gape at him. He could feel her body becoming even warmer than it had been before- and that very quickly.

"Y- you… really?" ,she asked, barely believing what she was hearing. Had Optimus Prime just offered to…

For an answer, he cupped her face in his hands, leaned down and pressed a firm kiss on her mouth. She practically melted into it, uttering a little moan as he pushed his glossa past her lips. By now, she was wetter than she ever remembered being. He broke the kiss after a while and retrieved the energon cube he then handed to the panting femme.

"You should refuel first. I will be right back." He spoke quietly. Her actual will to live had returned ever so quickly and Silica obeyed, downing the entire cube hungrily while Optimus locked the door. So, this is it, he thought as he did so, hardly believing he was actually going through with this.

He felt a little cheap, doing this not out of love, but for, well, other reasons. At least he liked her, that had to be good enough.

By the time he was back at the berth, she had finished the energon cube and was sitting on the edge, looking up at him expectantly with her big blue optics. He kept eye contact as he went down on his knees in front of her, stroking her cheek with the back of his fingers before kissing her again.

Her response to the kiss was demanding, almost aggressive, and she pulled him closer; her initial insecurity was starting to vanish and she knew that, in just a few minutes, she would be completely free of it.

Optimus was a bit surprised by her sudden dominance, but decided to play along with it. As of yet, he had no idea how she liked to be handled, so he decided to simply test the waters and see how she would react. His hand wandered down to her aft and squeezed it firmly. The femme in his arms squealed happily and started grinding against him. Her movements were smooth, sexy, not at all like the clumsiness he had seen during her training sessions with Bumblebee.

As weird as that sounded, but right now, she seemed to be in her element.

His silver thigh parted her legs and as her hands started roaming his body and exploring his incredibly powerful physique, he pushed her back onto the berth and started rubbing her port covering with his leg.

Her neck was his next target. Silica gasped, feeling his hot mouth nibbling at the tubing there. She was fascinated by the fact that a mech could possess enough bodily strength to rip an opponent to pieces with his bare hands, but would also be capable of such gentleness. Thinking about how strong this mech on top of her actually was sent a new gush of lubricants to her femme parts.

She let small metal plate covering over her port slide back. She wanted this mech to feel exactly how ready she was for him. Optimus was surprised she had opened it so soon, but the instant wetness he felt touching his thigh did arouse him quite a bit. The room filled with the scent of her lubricant- the unmistakable odor of a femme aching to be fragged.

So distracted by what his mouth was doing to her neck and shoulders, Silica didn't even notice his hand had gone south until she felt his palm rub her wetness just before her port was being penetrated by a large finger. This was definitely not her first time, but she still was deliciously tight…

Optimus propped himself up on his other elbow and watched her face as he started pumping his finger firmly in a slow, steady rhythm. Ever since he'd known her, he had _never_ seen her so happy. Not once. He added another one, pushing both of them as deep as they would go. By now, his own arousal was almost becoming painful, his spike pressing against his armor from the inside, demanding to be released.

He would take his time though. Just because he didn't love this femme didn't mean he wouldn't make sure she enjoyed this. He was a big mech by all standards and he wanted to be certain she really was ready for him.

"More…" the femme uttered. Optimus added a third finger. This was quite a lot for a femme of her size, but she seemed to be perfectly comfortable with it. "There's… no need to be gentle with me, Optimus… I can handle some rough treatment…"

So she wanted him to be a little rough? He could do that. In a movement that was quicker than she would have anticipated, he grabbed both her wrists, pinned them above her head and slammed all three fingers into her port. A scream of pleasure left her lips, her back arching off the surface of the berth.

"Do you like that?" ,the red and blue mech growled.

"Yes, yes please, don't stop… aaah!" He did it again. And again, and again, picking up pace. She was responding very well to this, he noted; moaning loudly, writhing and practically seeking more contact with his hand. Optimus had to admit he was enjoying this more than he probably should.

Finally, he allowed his groin armor to part and his spike to extend. The mech released Silica's delicate wrists and pulled his fingers from her port so he could straighten himself, kneeling on the berth.

It took the panting female a few moments to come to her senses again, but when she looked up and saw the mech kneeling above her, it took her breath away. Of course, Optimus was doing this on purpose. He wasn't usually much of a showoff, but in this specific situation, it seemed appropriate. There he was, the leader of the Autobots, kneeling on the berth, his massive spike fully extended and throbbing, the look in his optics nothing short of predatory.

He wanted to make this femme scream, louder than any mech had ever done. Her gaze on him was tingling, he knew even his slightest movements would be tracked by her attentive optics. She was drinking in the sight, relishing every second. Her port was clenching in anticipation of what was about to happen next.

The Prime then made a tiny gesture with his finger, a slow twirling motion. Silica saw it of course and obeyed immediately, turning around and getting up onto her elbows and knees, presenting her dripping port to the large mech willingly. She closed her optics.

Hands enclosed her curved hips. She felt something being pressed against her opening, starting to penetrate her… slowly, excruciatingly so. It was bigger than any spike she remembered having been filled by, ever. Optimus pushed his rod into her, stretching her port so wonderfully, filling her up completely.

It had been way too long since he'd last savored this sensation.

Silica's mouth was opened in a silent moan. This was at least a thousand times better than what she had imagined.

He took his sweet time filling her port with his spike, sheathing himself to the hilt. His pelvis met hers, pressing his mechhood deep into her, feeling her aft contact his loins.

Sighing, she enjoyed this little moment while he kneaded her skidplate lustfully. Then he started thrusting, slowly at first but getting faster steadily.

The femme was making all sorts of lovely noises- every single sensory node inside her was being stimulated, she was moaning, whimpering, squealing with pleasure…

"Harder…" she managed to get out in between the moans. Optimus fulfilled her wish, keeping his pace, but ramming his member home with increased force. Their lower body plating met with a clang now every time he'd gone all the way, only to be separated again so he could thrust it inside again.

"H-hah… harder…" Harder still? Well, if this was what she wanted, he wouldn't deny her. Apparently, she really did like it a bit rough. He had to change his position a bit for better leverage, so he pulled one leg forward and grabbed her arms just above her elbows so he could drag her back onto his spike.

The pressure her clenching port applied to his spike was exquisitely powerful, and when he increased the force of his thrusts yet again, it grew exponentially. He threw his head back and moaned deeply. Right now, nothing outside of this room mattered. Only the little femme, impaled on his rock-hard erection, now screaming in ecstasy.

He was fragging her so hard now it was starting to hurt- she relished that. Tears of both pleasure and pain appeared at the corners of her optics, she was getting close to overload. Optimus, panting hard and being left unable to process anything but the raw and wild pleasure he was feeling, tightened his grip on her arms, almost denting her plating. Her lithe body was being shaken like a doll as he slammed her port full of his spike time and time again.

Her voice hitched every time his spike's tip hit the back of her port, deep within her. Oh how she was loving this nearly brutal pounding she was receiving!

Optimus Prime was getting close himself, but he wanted this femme to overload first.

He didn't have to wait long, for it didn't take much more before her back arched until it looked like it would break, her screams rising a full octave, port clenching with her orgasmic spasms, hips pushing backwards with surprising strength. Tears rolling down her cheeks, she rode out the intense overload.

Optimus couldn't hold back any longer. With a few last, very hard thrusts, he came as well, roaring out his pleasure, flooding her reproductive system with his transfluid.

None of them knew how much time they spent in that moment, both of them overwhelmed by the searing overload, sensory data shooting through both their systems like lightning bolts, way too much to compute…

Silica was twitching and gasping irregularly in the aftermath, whimpering as a shaking Optimus pulled his spike from her satisfied body. Careful not to crush her, he quickly rolled onto his side next to her, panting heavily, before all his remaining strength left him.

Their almost overheated bodies making little clicks while slowly cooling down, none of them lasted long until recharge claimed them.


	4. Mistake

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter Four: Mistake**

Optimus tried to act as if nothing had happened between the femme and himself whenever he was around the others. Thankfully, Silica kept a professional distance as well, although a slight positive change in her demeanor was indeed noticeable. She seemed calmer, happier, quite a bit easier to talk to as well. Maybe, Optimus thought, this had really been all she'd needed. He wondered how long this effect would last.

Apparently not too long, as he had to realize not without some discomfort roughly two days later. He'd just returned from a relatively successful mission to collect direly needed energon with Bumblebee when he noticed she was back to monosyllabic answers and fidgeting. She didn't approach him though, probably out of fear of being discovered, which was very much understandable.

He let a few hours pass before contacting her via commlink.

 _/If you need help, I will be in my quarters tonight./_

She didn't reply, but he was rather sure she would turn up. The soft knock on his door later that night confirmed his assumption. She didn't say a word as he let her in and locked the door behind her.

That warm feeling deep in his abdomen had been growing stronger ever since he had noticed her behavior returning to old patterns earlier. Now, it was very obvious the effects of his attentions two days prior were fading.

"You shouldn't be ashamed of confiding in me, Silica." Optimus said quietly as he went over to his nearly empty desk to sit down, weary joints creaking a little. Primus, sometimes he really felt how the prolonged war was taking its toll on his body. "Having you suffer is certainly not my intention."

"I know." The young femme replied shyly. "I just… you've just been so busy while I remained here with nothing much to do and… it felt wrong to approach you again after such short time." She looked up at him, her big optics shining brightly in the slightly dimmed room. "I know I already asked a lot of you."

The Prime leaned back in his chair a little and shook his head gently. "It is quite alright. I did agree to help you, so that is what I will do… if you want me to."

"Yes…" Silica said shakily before falling to her knees. "However…", she continued, starting to make her way towards the Autobot leader on all fours, swaying her hips as she went, "... I believe there is something I can do for you as well."

He watched her, mesmerized by her fluid movements. What exactly was she planning? Curved cheekguards were rubbed against his lower leg armor sensually as she reached him. Optimus felt a warm tongue slide along his rims, just where they met the tires. His knees were next on her sultry exploration, strong muscle cables twitching ever so slightly beneath his armor when she found a particularly sensitive spot on the back of his knee. He watched the femme as she started using her hands as well, wandering his lower legs and gently delving into seams and behind plating to administer her soft caresses.

A kiss was pressed to the inside of his thigh, her mouth moving further up…

"You… do not have to do this, Silica." Despite their last encounter, this was somewhat awkward. Having a femme act so submissively was making Optimus rather uncomfortable, even if her administrations were anything but unpleasurable.

Silica said nothing, instead continuing her very immodest course of action. After what seemed like an eternity, she dragged her tongue over his interface cover slowly, firmly. Optimus sighed. This might have been a bit awkward for him, but she didn't seem to share that sentiment. He could even hear her purring quietly, feel the vibrations it sent across his plating. She looped her arms beneath his thighs and grasped his hips firmly, burying her face in his groin passionately as she pulled him closer and spread his legs, mouthing at his sensitive joints.

The Prime was a bit surprised at the strength the young femme displayed at times. It almost reminded him of the type of femme he would choose to spend his spare time with… When she coaxed his covering open and his spike extended, she didn't waste much time before closing her welcoming lips around it. His size proved to be a challenge and she couldn't fit all of it, but she made up for that with her hands. Oh, those wonderfully skilled hands, Optimus mused as his head tipped back and he groaned.

She took her sweet time nibbling, licking and sucking his erect interface, alternating pace and intensity every once in a while but never letting him get too close to the edge. Oh she wanted him to frag her, of course she did, behind her port covering she was soaking wet, but she also wanted to thank him- and this was the best way she knew to do so.

A big hand descended upon her helm, petting gently while she vigorously pleasured her Prime. Yes, she definitely knew what she was doing, nimble glossa finding all his sweet spots as she sucked him off, hands all over his hips, abdomen and thighs, her hips swaying from one side to the other gently. Optimus could barely keep himself still, this was just too delicious.

That look in her optics when she tilted her head up at him, her mouth full of his spike, cheeks hollowed with suction was what almost pushed him over the edge- but he didn't want to overload just yet. They were here for a different reason and he would keep his promise to help her. So, using his full willpower to stop his overload before it could begin in earnest, he gently took hold of her chin and pulled her off of him.

Silica stood, which put her roughly at optic level with the seated mech in front of her. The femme was venting hard, Optimus noted, pulling her body flush against his and kissing her delicate neck. His hands found the petite waist below the shapely chest, glossy white metal feeling so wonderfully smooth pressed against his palms.

She moved to sit on his lap straddling him, his spike caught between them, rubbing against her belly. He took her face in both of his hands and kissed her softly, tasting himself on her mouth. Maybe he was enjoying himself a bit too much, Optimus thought, just like the last time. On the other hand, he was doing this for her, but he might as well appreciate the physical part while they were at it. He felt her wetness against him when she finally opened her port covering, wiggling against his larger body to gain some more friction.

"Please…" she whispered, fingers tracing the edges of his windshield and back arching just so. "…frag me, Optimus."

Optimus didn't hesitate pull her up and against him before lowering her onto his throbbing spike. He made sure to watch her closely as he did so, ready to slow down at any sign of discomfort, but there was none. Only happy sighs and quiet moans of pleasure as he penetrated her. Although the "quiet" part was gone in the blink of an optic as he started bouncing her up and down on his lap.

Her slender hands held on to his shoulder armor tightly while she rode him, optics closed. Primus, this was marvelous. Her port was clenching around its counterpart softly, the room was starting to fill with the scent of their coupling. They quickly picked up the pace, but this position would only allow them to go so far, so Optimus decided without further ado to get up and lay her down on top of his desk.

Silica squealed at the welcome change of position and even lifted her legs to get him to go deeper still. The Prime truly was an amazing sight as he stood there at his desk thrusting into her, armor glistening and powerful muscle cables working together smoothly to propel slender hips forward with barely restrained strength.

It didn't take long before overload hit them.

They found some kind of routine over the next weeks. Silica would drop subtle hints whenever she was in need of the Prime's company and they would arrange to meet up. It proved to be difficult to conceal their activities well enough so the others wouldn't grow suspicious, but they managed.

Meanwhile, Optimus watched contently as she was finally able to properly concentrate on her training, and was soon confident enough to even join them on low- risk missions every once in a while. He didn't want her too close to any Decepticons as of yet, that still seemed too great a risk to take, given her lack of experience on the battlefield, but she did well on surveillance and routine patrol.

Silica was still shy around the humans, but it had gotten better, especially with the adults. Agent Fowler and June didn't seem to spook her as much as Jack, Miko and Raf did, for whatever reason.

The femme required his… assistance rather regularly, about every two to three days and it did wear him out a bit in addition to everyday duties he still had to fulfil, but he had seen worse. He always tried to remind himself not to get too attached to her, but it proved more difficult than he'd thought. He was fond of the young femme, he couldn't deny that.

When she had a clear processor and he was on monitor duty, they would sometimes talk for several hours. As it turned out, the female was quite interested in ancient cybertronian history and had read her share about the subject, which was something very refreshing and delightful for Optimus. After all, he had been employed in the great archives of Iacon before the war, back when his name had still been Orion Pax, and ancient history still managed to excite him a great deal. He was happy to tell her everything she wanted to know- and that was a lot.

It was only a few months later that Optimus noticed something odd about her behavior. She hadn't sought him out for almost a whole week and as their interactions had been rather frequent up to now, this was indeed worrying.

It was a warm Sunday evening, Ratchet was currently recharging and Arcee, Bumblebee and Bulkhead were taking the children back home. Optimus and Silica were working in the main hangar, but as there was little risk of someone walking in on their conversation, Optimus decided to bring the topic up.

"Are you alright, Silica?" He asked quietly, watching her from his position in front of the monitors. How she was sitting there, petite ankles crossed elegantly, brows furrowed on her pretty face in concentration.

"Of course I am. Why?" She was currently cleaning some of Ratchet's equipment. Optimus knew very well how dexterous her slim hands were and she was good at handling the fragile instruments the medic used.

"You… haven't approached me for a while."

"Should I?" she asked, looking up at him.

"I am merely worried about your sudden change of habits." He replied, turning back to his monitors. "Maybe you should go see Ratchet when he wakes up."

"Is that really necessary?" She didn't like to be examined, Optimus knew that. Still, he didn't want her falling sick if it could be avoided early on.

"Please, Silica. Ratchet cares greatly for your health. As do I."

The young femme sighed. "Alright. If it makes you feel better, I'll do it."

Optimus was happy she was being so sensible about this.

Ratchet however wasn't happy at all when he saw the results of his multiple scans. It couldn't be, he simply refused to believe this. After all the work he'd put into the development of her medication, all the effort to keep her docile and avoid exactly this kind of situation. He had taken five complete scans to make sure he wasn't making a mistake, but it was clear as day.

"Alright Silica, which genius got you sparked?"

"What? Are you certain I'm… I'm…"

"I took several scans and I'm 99.5% certain that you are carrying at least one newspark. So. Who is the sire?"

Silica didn't answer, instead she just pulled her knees up to her chest and looked the other way. This had definitely not been planned. And Ratchet was getting angry with her.

"If you don't tell me right now, femme, I swear I'll-"

"What's all the noise?" It was Arcee, who had just returned from patrol. Bumblebee was following her.

"Was it you, Bumblebee? Did you do this to her?" Ratchet continued, now addressing the yellow scout, who could do nothing but stare at his medic, not knowing what was going on.

"Do what?" He was confused. Was something wrong with Silica? Had somebody hurt her?

"If you didn't do it", Ratchet grumbled, rubbing his chin in thought, "that only leaves Bulkhead and Optimus. But Optimus would never… get both their afts here, now."

"Is there a problem, Ratchet?" Optimus asked in his usual, gentle and calm tone when he and Bulkhead entered the room from the back.

"There is. And it's not a trivial one, by any means. Now that all of us are here", the old medic glared at every other mech in the room, "I am assuming it was either Bulkhead or Bumblebee who went against their better judgement and got themselves into deep trouble with this femme." He stared those two down especially, but none of them seemed to have so little as a clue as to what he was referring to. "I know Optimus would never do anything so irresponsible, right Optimus?"

He looked at his leader now. Who remained completely silent. Ratchet's energon ran cold.

" _Right_ , Optimus?" He asked again, but now his voice was shaking. "Primus almighty, it was _you_?!"

The mech in question still didn't reply and Ratchet saw that as a confirmation of his suspicions. "Get out! All of you! Except for Silica and Optimus, now!" The medic barked, fuming, his armor bristled with agitation.

Bulkhead sighed, shaking his head. He still didn't know what was going on. "First you want us to come here, then you want us to leave-"

"Get!"

"Okay okay, geez."

As soon as the three of them were alone, all hell broke loose. Ratchet used swear words some of which even Optimus hadn't heard before. He scolded, complained, yelled at them for a solid fifteen minutes while they said nothing to defend themselves. Had Optimus been a seeker, he would have been drooping his wings.

Only when Ratchet had calmed down somewhat did he dare speak again. "I only meant to help. But how can this be…? The inhibitor program-"

"Doesn't work on breeders, not in the long run! Optimus, they can store even encrypted sets of CNA and those programs always leave some part unaltered. It's only a matter of time until one set is complete. So apparently this wasn't even a singular event, now was it?"

"No." The large red and blue mech sighed in defeat. This was not what he had intended. He felt stupid for believing nothing would happen, not that he'd had any experience with breeders before, but he should have considered the possibility of them simply being different from ordinary femmes. "What now?"

Ratchet snorted. "Well, assuming she is keeping it, we better see to it we double our energon stock, and fast. Carrying femmes burn through their fuel like old cargo ships. We'll also need to up security, inform the humans… I'm not explaining this to them. You're going to do that. Next we'll-"

"Could you two just stop for a moment!" Silica burst out, close to tears. The two remaining mechs in the room looked at her, shocked. She had been so quiet up to now they had almost forgotten she was even there. "Please, just stop…" A sob escaped her.

"No, please, Silica…" Prime went to sit beside her on the medical berth and offered her his side, which she snuggled against without hesitation, burying her face in his thick armor. "Everything is going to be alright. We will find a way to make this work, I promise."

Ratchet closed his optics for a moment, frowning. He should have known this would happen. Slag, a sparkling was the last thing they needed right now. As if things hadn't been difficult enough already. They weren't even equipped for this. And if the Decepticons found out… no they couldn't. He didn't even want to imagine what Megatron would do should he find out there was an Autobot sparkling on earth. But if they really were doing this, they would need all the help they could get. And he knew just who to ask.


	5. Tension

Lol I just noticed most of my fanfics are about Optimus Prime having sex and having babies wtf ;) That and I'm officially unable to stick to one single method of Transformers reproduction, but I don't really have to I guess, that's the beauty of it.

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter Five: Tension**

"You're asking me for help because of _what_?" June Darby couldn't believe her ears. Ratchet hadn't really just said that, had he?

"As someone who has grown rather familiar with our kind, next to being a nurse as well as a mother yourself, you are the most logical choice." Ratchet stated. But this was going a bit too fast for her.

"No no, just, rewind, please? To the part about Silica?"

"Silica is having a sparkling. A baby, in your terms. Two, actually, as we have discovered yesterday."

"I didn't even know you guys _could_ have babies and now you're telling me she's having _twins_? This is crazy. Just absolutely crazy. I mean, how?" She stared up at the Autobot medic towering over her, her hands on her hips. She still couldn't believe this was no joke.

"It pretty much works the same way as with humans, with a few minor differences. Which is another reason why I thought you might be able to help."

"But Arcee-"

"Has never had a sparkling in her life, neither does she… possess the suitable temper for this task, I fear. No. If anyone can do this, it's you."

June sighed, brushing a strand of black hair out of her face. She was no midwife, that simply wasn't her specialization, but in a way Ratchet was right- she probably did have more first hand experience on this than anyone else on base.

"Alright. What can I do?"

"Whatever you think might help her prepare for this. She is young and inexperienced and she will be scared. It has been observed many times how the mere presence of a more experienced femme can ease the whole process significantly. Just talk to her, make her trust you with all her fears and questions. That would be a big help."

The nurse rubbed her forehead and exhaled loudly. This was plain crazy. She was to give pregnancy classes to a robot from outer space. "Fine, I'll do it. But if you leave me alone with this, I will literally kill you."

XXXXXXXXXX

The first time June and Silica were scheduled to meet up, Ratchet left them alone. In a way, June wasn't even surprised, but man, was she pissed. Silica on the other hand was confused more than anything. Ratchet hadn't even bothered to explain why exactly she was supposed to spend time with this human.

For a solid twenty minutes, they just sat there in silence, trying to avoid eye contact. In the end, June decided to break the awkward- spell.

„So, I'm not meaning to be rude, but… may I ask who's the lucky man?" She asked. On second thought, was this too personal already?

Silica looked at her like she'd seen a ghost. She knew she was supposed to talk to her, but the simple fact that this human had actually just asked her a question dumbfounded her. "The lucky… oh you mean the sire. It's Optimus."

June's dark eyes widened considerably. "Seriously? We are talking about the same Optimus here, right?"

"Is there any other mech of that name on earth?"

"No but…", June paused, rubbing her palms up and down her thighs. "Wow. Who would have thought."

"You seem surprised?"

The nurse gave a short, awkward laugh. "Well, he always comes across as so… I would almost say withdrawn. But I see why you'd fall for him."

"What? No, we're not a couple, if that's what you're thinking… in fact, I don't really know what we are. It's difficult." Silica really wasn't sure what she would call their… relationship. By now, she wasn't even sure whether or not there were feelings involved, on either side. Although Optimus had mostly kept his distance after they'd found out she was carrying and he probably wasn't at all happy about the whole ordeal.

"Uh ok er… I guess the earth term for that might be 'friends with benefits' then."

"I suppose that's close enough."

There was a brief pause, but then something came to June's mind, a question the answer to which she'd been dying to know. Clearing her throat, she leaned forward in her chair conspiratorially and asked with a half- whisper. "So, how is he?"

"What do you mean?" June chuckled.

"Come on, you know what I mean. How _is_ he?"

Had Silica been able to blush, now would have been the time. "Well… I… I've never had reason to complain…"

Her stuttering was met by a knowing grin. Now I've got you, June thought. What a way to finally break the ice. It now was Silica's turn to laugh- and how couldn't she? June looked so curious she was practically falling off her chair.

"He's magnificent. I've never had anyone like him."

"Ha, I thought so!"

"You- wait, what… really?"

"Well… I do have to admit, sometimes I actually wish I were your size…"

"June!"

"Sorry. But… you might know what it's like when you've been single for quite a while. Makes you kind of vulnerable to weird thoughts." Silica smiled; she could absolutely relate to the part with the weird thoughts. Although she had never actually spent a long time without someone to share the berth with, had never been able to.

"How long have you been on your own?"

June sighed and folded her hands in her lap thoughtfully. "It's been about twelve years now. Jack's father left us when our son was still very little and being a single, working mother doesn't really leave much room for anything else."

Silica cocked her head curiously. She was no expert on human relationships, but it seemed they weren't all that different from cybertronian social life. "What was he like? Jack's father?"

"He was… young. A free spirit, if you will. Very handsome and smart, but it just didn't work out. We hadn't planned getting pregnant. He tried to be there for us, he really did, but you cannot force a relationship to last if it simply doesn't make both of you happy. I guess he just wasn't ready for this kind of responsibility."

Silica frowned and looked down at her own lap. "I don't think Optimus is ready to be a father, either."

"What makes you say that?"

"I feel like he's been avoiding me. He's barely even talked to me ever since we found out I was having his sparklings. I think he might be… mad at me." That wasn't exactly the entire truth. Sure, they hadn't really talked for a while and Silica may have blamed it on the war had she not known how awfully quiet the Decepticons had been lately. It irritated her- and not just a bit. She didn't need to be pampered, certainly not, but the sheer lack of acknowledgement was bearing heavily on her. Like she had somehow offended him simply by conceiving.

"Well, it isn't exactly an easy situation, especially with this war still going on, but this is just as much his child as it is yours. If you're feeling left alone, you should probably talk to him about it."

"I don't know…" Did she want to talk to him? No, not really.

"If there's anything I've learned from the relationship with Jack's father, it's that remaining quiet and sulking only makes things worse. Seriously. Maybe he's just worried he won't be able to live up to expectations." June said sympathetically. Even if the thought of the mighty Optimus Prime being overwhelmed with a situation seemed somewhat ridiculous, she knew that something like this could bring even the strongest man to his knees. Or make him want to avoid dealing with it altogether.

"You're probably right. However… I wouldn't really know how to breach that subject. It's just… I mean… I don't know what I mean. This is all so confusing."

"Well, if you're so insecure about it, I could try and talk to him first. Really Silica, this is Optimus we're talking about. I don't think he'd want you feeling left alone."

"No," the femme threw in hastily, "no please don't. I don't think it would be such a good idea to bring someone else into… well, something so personal. No offense." She really didn't want to talk about this anymore, she needed a change of topic. Now. "So… I heard you're something like a medic?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Carrying newsparks was no reason to be sitting on one's skidplate all day doing nothing, at least in Silica's opinion. Ratchet didn't mind her doing some mild physical labor either, merely reminding her to pay attention her body and to stop whenever she was either in pain or feeling overly exhausted. He could use some help with ground bridge maintenance anyway. There were a few critical capacitors which the medic usually exchanged in regular intervals to avoid failure, so he'd sent her to the storage to get some spare ones.

If there was some kind of logic behind what was stored where in the shelves at the very back of the Autobot base, Silica had yet to discover it. And of course, no one had ever bothered to mark the hundreds of boxes populating the storage, so all she could do to find what she was looking for, was to search through them one by one. She was just about to go back and ask Ratchet when someone else entered the room. She didn't turn around. She knew whose footsteps those were.

"May I help you?" He asked quietly. She usually liked the sound of his deep and smoky voice, but right now it just irritated her.

"I'm fine." That might have sounded a bit too gruff, she noticed in retrospective, but if he noticed he didn't show it.

"In case you are looking for the capacitors", he remarked, walking over to a different section and retrieving a battered old metal box, "they are right above you on the top shelf."

"Could have figured that out myself." Silica muttered under her breath.

"Sorry?"

"Oh, nothing." She looked at Optimus again, who was watching her with a frown on his face. It was clear she was too short to reach the top shelf herself, but she wouldn't be asking him for help right now. Poor little pregnant femme, can't even get a box from the storage by herself. Yeah right. She started climbing the shelf instead. Optimus kept watching her, bewildered.

"Silica." She ignored him, only irritating him further. He snorted. This was ridiculous. Optimus stepped up behind her and lifted the box out of the shelf. Silica shot the Prime a glare.

"Do you mind?!" The femme snapped agitatedly as she hopped down from the shelf.

"I do mind you falling off that shelf and being buried beneath a heavy storage box, yes."

"I could have done that myself!"

"No you couldn't have! You would have gotten hurt! Not only you but-"

"What the frag is your problem, Optimus?!" He scowled at her suddenly very rough tone and things just went downhill from there.

"What is my problem? Do you want an honest answer?!"

"Yes, I do want an honest answer!"

Optimus set the box down on the floor quite a bit too aggressively and took an energetic step forward. "My problem is that I am in a situation I never hoped to be in, having unplanned sparklings with a femme I barely know. And apparently, she doesn't even care about her own health or that of her sparklings!"

"So now it's entirely my fault I'm carrying, huh? As far as I remember, you weren't exactly uninvolved! And don't you dare say you didn't enjoy it because I know you did!"

"It doesn't matter if I enjoyed it, Silica! I wanted to help you because I felt sorry for you but I made everything worse for all of us!"

The smack to his face came as a surprise, to both of them. For a moment, they just stared at each other. Neither of them could quite believe she had just dared to do that. On Cybertron, the traditional penalty for assaulting your Prime was death, but they weren't on Cybertron and Optimus had always been opposed to that law. He wasn't really hurt either- not physically at least.

Silica looked at her own hand as if it were something horrifying, an abomination, alien to her own body, like a life draining parasite. Her vents hitched. For a moment, she wasn't so sure whether he would strike her in turn. He looked angry, was practically growling at her, but there was something else, something far stronger than his anger. Disappointment. He said nothing more as he pushed past her and stomped out of the room.

"… Optimus…?" She called after him, her voice frail and shaky. "Primus, what have I… Optimus…" She knew her pleas went unheard, echoing between the shelves before agonizing silence took over.

XXXXXXXXXX

Optimus was pacing in the main hangar, his big feet on the cool concrete the only thing interrupting the eerie silence. No one dared to speak, but every spark in the room was heavy with that horrific sense of foreboding. Optics were fixed on the communications console, both hoping and dreading the ping of an incoming transmission everybody was sure was to come. He threw Silica a glance, who was sitting next to Ratchet, the medic's arm around her shoulders. Her cheeks were wet with tears, she looked pale and was trembling uncontrollably.

The Autobot leader fought to keep his composure, but still his hands were shaking as pressed the button to accept the incoming call. He stared at the monitor, his expression grim. There he was, Megatron, his scarred mouth twisted into his trademark grin, his shark- like teeth looking more menacing than ever. Seeing him was like a punch to the gut to Optimus, he felt sick to the tank.

"Greetings, Optimus Prime." Megatron rasped smugly. "I believe you know why I am calling."

"Megatron. What are your conditions?" Optimus spoke steadily, his rage and fear masterfully concealed through centuries of experience as a leader. The tyrant laughed loudly- that was never a good sign.

"Oh Optimus, I didn't call to negotiate, no. I've got your little brats. Oh yes, don't even try to deny it. I've known your face for too long to not recognize whose spawn those two are. And while they would make some formidable bargaining chips, I believe I have a better use for them."

"Megatron-"

"Ah, the great Optimus Prime is afraid. Good. As I said, I didn't call to negotiate. I called so you could watch." He leaned forward and his grin turned into a sadistic snarl. "I called so _you_ , Optimus Prime, could watch. And _break_."

He stepped aside to reveal two Vehicons, holding one crying, terrified sparkling each. Optimus was frozen on the spot, unable to move, unable to even utter a single word. His armor was rattling on his shaking protoform while the crying from the transmission turned into agonized shrieking.

Optimus woke with a start, panting and with tears in his optics. He could still hear the cries echoing in his processor. But it had been a dream. He sat up quickly and rubbed his face. His spark was racing in his chest. He got up and left his room.

Wood splintered after another forceful blow his dark fist delivered to the huge tree trunk hanging from the ceiling as a punching bag. He dodged the swinging log and attacked again, not even noticing the smaller bot entering the sparring room silently. More splinters flew while he literally mauled the piece of wood in front of him- that was until the chain gave out and a mighty punch threw the whole thing right into the next wall. For a moment, Optimus simply stood there, panting, his back still to the door.

"Optimus." Silica's voice was soft, quiet. The commander turned around to face her. A little bit of energon was dripping from his knuckles from where he had split them open with his punches. "You're damaged." She said, motioning towards his hands. He looked at them briefly, but quickly dropped them back down to his sides. The ensuing silence was anguishing. Her voice felt heavy in her throat, she was unsure of what to say.

"I am… sorry if I disturbed your recharge." He said, just to ease the tension. Silica merely shook her head and looked away, sniffing. The noise may have woken her, but that wasn't why she had come here, they both knew that.

"Optimus, I've been wanting to apologize for what I did earlier. I shouldn't have… please forgive me. Nevertheless, I can't… I just can't go on like this. With me thinking what I'm thinking and you thinking what you're thinking and both of us just sulking and avoiding each other… or letting things escalate. Let's be honest with each other. Please?"

He looked at the floor beside her, frowning. "I… had a dream, earlier. I saw our sparklings." His optics met hers briefly as he took a step back and turned to pick up the log slowly. "I saw Megatron, too."

"It was just a dream. You worry too much."

"Do I?" Over his shoulder, he looked at her again, as he inspected the mangled chain fastened to the top of the trunk. "You don't know Megatron like I do. You don't know how little a life matters to him, even if it's an innocent sparkling. _You_ _don't know_ to which lengths he will go." Optimus leaned the log against the wall carefully. He would fix that later. "Silica." He continued, approaching her with heavy footsteps. "I am afraid. Terrified even. I cannot guarantee your safety, nor that of your- _our_ sparklings."

The femme nodded slowly. "So… you do care about them."

He sighed heavy- heartedly and lifted his hand to cup her cheek softly. "How could I not?"

She sniffed. "You know… it's not like I'm not aware of how fragged up this whole situation is. It's just… I don't even know how I could have prevented any of it. I don't know how to keep it from happening again. Sometimes I wish I weren't like this. But I can't change what I am. I can't change it, Optimus. Please forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive, my friend."

A small sob escaped her, then another. Optimus quickly enclosed her in his arms, holding her close as all the built up grief was discharged. He wasn't sure what to say, so he kept quiet, comforting her the best he could by holding and petting her.

"Optimus?" She said after a while, wiping her optics with the back of her hand.

"Hm?"

"Can I stay with you tonight?"

Optimus sighed. "Silica, I really don't want-"

"I don't mean… it's not what you're thinking. I'm just scared to be alone and… and I miss your company, that's all. But if you're not comfortable with it…"

He pondered the option for a moment. He certainly didn't want to interface with her anymore, but that didn't seem to be what she was after. She looked smaller and more tired than ever and even if the thought of having her simply recharge in his berth with him was somewhat strange, he didn't see the harm in it. Not really.

"If you promise to behave."

Optimus lay awake for most of the night, thinking things over as Silica recharged next to him. He still hadn't gotten used to the idea of sharing a berth with her without interfacing, least of all after yesterday's rather unpleasant encounter, but he couldn't really complain. Occasionally, she would turn over and snuggle up to him or use his arm as a pillow and he would pull her close or rest his hand above her gestation chamber, which actually managed to calm him a little.

He had neglected her, that much was true, and he did regret that. But the intensity with which she had reacted to it didn't sit well with him at all. It was said breeders didn't (and couldn't) really love others, but he wasn't so sure about that anymore. He looked at her relaxed face. Those innocent features concealed her nature rather well, her small body was so warm against his. Maybe it hadn't been so wise to allow her to recharge here after all. He prayed to Primus she really didn't know what love was.

He still wasn't so sure how to feel about these tiny beings growing inside of her either. Those were his sparklings, his small, fragile, helpless sparklings. They would enter the world in the most inconvenient moment, roughly ten earth months from now, and he had no way of stopping them or asking them to wait a few more centuries. It was a ridiculous thing to imagine really, but he somehow wished he could do just that. Could you please wait for the war to be over? That's not too much to ask for, is it?

He snorted and rolled onto his back. He felt like they'd tripled their effort to gather more energon, to improve security while making sure their base would remain undiscovered by the Decepticons. But he felt like it just didn't matter. Every time they had located a new source, it seemed, the enemy was already there, either driving them off or destroying the precious fuel.

There was an abundance of energon on earth… below the surface. And with no means of mining, well. He didn't even have the energon to feed his family.

Family. What a strange concept. He considered his whole team family and yet… the sparklings were a different matter. Silica, well, he wasn't so sure about her. He would have liked to treat her just like everyone else, but the physical aspect of their friendship served to complicate matters for him. Greatly.

He looked at her curvy body again, curled up beside him and venting steadily. He couldn't deny she was beautiful, even now that the pregnancy was putting additional strain on her body. His hand followed the curve of her shoulders, waist, hip and thigh carefully.

She'd felt so good, her lithe body pressed against his solid frame, her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms pulling him close as he… but he couldn't tell her that, no. That would have been counterproductive. Also, he wasn't planning on indulging in these activities with her again, even if it had been enjoyable for a time. He'd gotten himself into deep enough trouble as it was.

Ratchet was another issue. He was taking good care of Silica, naturally, but he had probably never been so disappointed in Optimus. His old friend barely even talked to him anymore, not more than he absolutely had to anyway. Bumblebee and Bulkhead were more forgiving in the matter, but not Arcee. The fierce little femme had always had high expectations when it came to the bots she was working with and she definitely didn't make a secret out of her opinion on the whole matter.

By not thinking things through properly, he had split the team in half, which could be fatal in their already precarious situation. It definitely wasn't the first time he doubted himself as a leader, but it was one of his more nagging moments- and would definitely cost him a few more recharge cycles.


	6. Doubts

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter Six: Doubts**

"Okay, um… let's start with some breathing exercises. You guys do breathe, right…?"

"Well we… we vent air through our cooling systems to keep our bodies from overheating. So I guess we do breathe… somewhat." Silica rearranged her legs beneath her body. She wasn't quite sure she understood the concept of what June was currently trying to teach her, but it had something to do with preparing for the birth of her sparklings.

"Alright then." The human femme sitting on the floor in front of her straightened her back and put her hands on her stomach. "Let's start with something simple. Just breathe in and out slowly, put your hands on your belly and simply feel how your body shifts with each breath. Can you feel it?"

"Yes, I can feel it."

"Concentrate on that for a moment. Good. This is a technique you can use for relaxation. If it works the same way it does for us humans, there will be a considerable amount of pain before and during birth. When you focus too much on the pain, your body will tense up. When your body is tense, the pain will intensify. Too much pain can in fact slow down the birth process. This is why it's important to learn how to relax, to refocus. Alright?"

Silica nodded.

"Okay, another thing you can try is counting your breaths. Just breathe slowly and regularly, and go one, in… out, two, in… out, three… are you paying attention?" The woman enquired, leaning to her side a bit.

Silica shook her head quickly, as if snapping out of a daydream. "Huh what, I… sorry. I've just been thinking."

"You know you can talk to me if anything's bothering you." June had gotten up now and was approaching the seated femme to put her hand on the Autobot's much larger wrist. Silica looked at her tiny hand. It felt so soft on her plating, a little warmer than her own body, too. How an actual, living, sentient being could be so soft and fragile fascinated her.

"June?"

"Hm?" The femme paused for a moment, pondering whether or not she should really ask the human that question. She knew her quite well by now and had learned that, apart from the materials their bodies were made of, humans and cybertronians weren't actually that different. Also, June was intelligent enough to have a decent conversation with.

"What is love?"

June let her arm drop back to her side. She hadn't expected her to ask something like _this_. "Well, that's a tricky question."

"It's said my kind isn't capable of feeling love."

June frowned. Silica's exact nature still managed to baffle her quite a bit, but she understood she was somehow different from the others- even from Arcee, although they shared the same gender but at the same time, they somehow didn't. On that account, Ratchet's explanations hadn't really been that helpful either. "Who says that?"

Silica sighed and slumped her shoulders a little, rubbing her upper arm. "Everybody. Maybe it's because we don't take partners for life. But… how do humans fall in love?"

"From a medical point of view," she started, bracing her hands on her hips, dark eyebrows raised, "it's probably a result of genetics, pheromones, environment and overall situation… but it's about the character as well."

Silica looked down at her feet, deep in thought. "But is the character not mostly shaped by genetics and environment?"

"I think it also has something to do with free will. People will react very differently to the same situation."

"Isn't that because people are different? Do we really have a choice, or do we just act according to our nature? Maybe what we call 'free will' doesn't even exist." She looked back up at her human companion, who was watching her curiously. "Maybe it's just something we made up so we don't feel so out of control."

"I've never actually seen it that way."

"The others always say it's love if it lasts forever, but… can't it be an act of love to choose to be with someone because of their genes when it's their genes which make them who they are? Can it not be love, even if it's not forever? A breeder's core programming demands a broadening of the gene pool, so we cannot stay with a partner permanently." She sighed. "We're like nomads, there always comes a time when we must move on. But don't we love more deeply, simply _because_ we know it's not going to last?"

June thought about that for a moment. It was an uncomfortable thought, to imagine falling in love with someone you knew would eventually leave you and that there was nothing either of you could do about it. That there never even was the slightest possibility for a 'happy ever after'. Maybe it was even worse for them, considering their immense lifespans, but simply claiming someone wasn't capable of loving seemed like defense tactics more than anything here.

"Maybe it scares them to think you can love them back and still leave them. Maybe that's why they don't concede the ability to love to you. It might be a different kind of love, but I don't think that makes it any less valuable."

Silica stared off into the distance. "Sad, isn't it."

"Oh Silica…"

"Oh well, whatever, I'm rambling." The young femme tried to change the topic, forcing a smile. "Where were we?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. The dark halls of the Nemesis seemed to devour the sounds coming from his feet on the ground, merely leaving behind mulled noises. He heard a rustle from behind and turned around, but there was nothing there. Optimus pressed on, even though he didn't know where he was going. All the hallways looked the same.

"Please…" He stopped and whirled around. The thin voice seemed to have come from all around him, he couldn't determine any direction. But it did sound eerily familiar…

"Please… help me…" His pace quickened, but he seemed to neither gain on the voice, nor distance himself from it. He was growing anxious, his chest felt like it was being constricted by an immense weight. That he might run into Decepticons didn't even occur to him as he searched the endless halls and intersections. He heard the weak voice again and again, never ceasing its begging for help and whimpering. With dread rearing its ugly head, Optimus realized who that voice belonged to.

"Help…" He turned around again and gasped. Covered in large cuts and energon from head to toe, with wires and busted hydraulics spilling out of her body, Silica was standing there, swaying on her feet. There was a small bundle in her arms, energon had soaked the rags it was wrapped with, dripping to the unforgivingly cold floor.

"Silica…" Optimus started walking towards her quickly, but after a few seconds he noticed he wasn't getting closer to her at all. He tried to walk faster, to jog, to run. It didn't matter.

"Optimus… help me…" She cried, clutching the dirty bundle tighter to her mangled chassis.

A large figure rounded the corner behind her, armor sharp as blades, red optics glowing in the dark. She did not seem to notice the menacing mech as he was walking up to her from behind.

"No. NO! Silica!" The Prime was running so fast his legs were hurting and his joints grating as lubrication failed to keep up with his movement. He tried to transform, but he found he couldn't. An invisible force was pulling him backwards, dragging his feet out from underneath him. He fell. The windows on his chest shattered, his vision blurred for a moment from the impact. Still he tried to get to her, to protect her from the evil sure to destroy her, dragging himself on his front, his fingers leaving deep marks in the floor.

He screamed. Silica yelped as well, but from beside him, not in front of him. Panting heavily, he turned towards her voice and saw her sitting next to him on his berth with wide optics, stiff as a poker. By the time he felt like he could move again, he noticed his face felt wet, so he turned away from her quickly and sat on the edge of the berth, wiping his tears away hastily.

"Another bad dream?" She asked. He didn't answer, but twitched when she put her slender hand on his shoulder. "Optimus… hey, look at me. Optimus, please."

"Don't." The tall mech ground out, further turning his face away from her when she came to sit by his side.

"… it is alright to be afraid. And to cry."

"Not for a Prime."

"Bullshit." Optimus threw the femme beside him a bewildered look. "Sorry", she continued, "but you know it's true. You can stop pretending, Orion."

"Don't call me that. That is not my name anymore."

"It used to be. You're still a mech and mortal, just as we all are. You're still in there somewhere. You're still you."

"Silica", Optimus started tiredly, rubbing his optics with one hand, "you never knew Orion Pax. You never will, just like you will never know what it is like to be Optimus Prime. Just let it rest, please. I do not wish to talk about this."

They just sat there in silence for a while. Like so often, Silica didn't know what to say. Sometimes, she wished he would try to be less… on guard. That he would allow himself to break down, just to relieve whatever was weighting so heavy on his spark. However, it was apparently too much to ask.

But maybe words weren't even appropriate right now. Maybe what came to her mind next wasn't either, but she decided she would take the chance and see how he would react. Very carefully, she placed her hand on his forearm. It was a gentle caress, innocent and soft. Optimus looked at her, but he didn't try to evade her touch. Until now, he hadn't even realized how tense his shoulders had been.

He started to relax. He didn't blame her for not understanding what it meant for a Prime to show personal weakness. True, his small team here on earth was probably the most likely to be exposed to his inadequacies, just because they were so few and shared a relatively small living space. But breaking down in front of any of them? Impossible.

Even Ratchet, whom he considered his closest friend, would never get to see that. He couldn't do that to any of his Autobots. To them, he was a guiding light, a symbol of hope. He could see that in the trust and confidence they had in him, and although it was a great honor, it was also a tremendous burden.

But Silica, it seemed, didn't even see him that way. Maybe it was because of her young age, he mused, because she had never seen him like the others had, a commander of thousands, constantly wrapped up in strategy meetings and battle plans, the unapproachable Prime, surrounded by guards and officers and councilors.

No, she had only ever known him as Optimus, a mentor and family member more than a commander, a mech one could just walk up to and talk about whatever problems one might have. And maybe, he thought, it didn't even occur to her that talking to him like this would be unthinkable to almost any other Autobot. She was naïve for thinking he would just open up to her, but considering the circumstances, she really couldn't be blamed.

He lifted his own hand to her face, cupping her jaw and stroking her cheek with his thumb. Silica looked up at him insecurely. Being kissed really wasn't something she had expected in that moment, but when his lips met hers softly she didn't pull back. She didn't dare put her arms around his neck, even if it was tempting- she would gladly accept this tiny bit of affection he was willing to share, but it didn't feel right to demand anything beyond that.

Only he didn't stop at kissing her. The nagging little voice in the back of Silica's processor may have told her that maybe he was just doing this because he was confused, or maybe he was just seeking comfort and that this was certainly about to get out of hand. However, she couldn't really bring herself to care about that, too occupied with the hand wandering across her side and chest and with the mouth that just didn't seem to want to leave hers.

There was a kind of desperation in the way he pulled her against him, in the way his vents blew warm air out of his body. Optimus took her with him as he lay back down, wordlessly urging her on top of himself, straddling his hips. Enveloped tightly in his big arms, she just stayed there and let him have his way with her. There was something strange about this whole situation, something she couldn't identify. Despite their many encounters, he had never acted quite like this and it perplexed her.

Her interface panel was coaxed open, she buried her face in the space between his neck and collar, closing her optics. Fingers delved into her, the familiar sensation making her shudder and utter a little moan. She was a bit more sensitive than she used to be, but he wasn't being rough with her at all. Actually, for the first time, she felt like he wasn't acting on his experiences of what he knew she preferred, but was simply doing what he felt like doing. But why? Why now?

She felt his own panel open and his spike slide out, pressing up against her belly. Primus, he was really about to go through with it. Her port was well lubricated by now, but he didn't seem to be in a hurry at all, further playing with her for a while before aligning his spike with her entrance. Silica couldn't help but mewl when he finally did enter her. Maybe it was because of the sparklings starting to take up quite a bit of space within her, but he felt bigger than she remembered.

He was holding her so close she couldn't have possibly looked at his face had she wanted to do so, rocking his hips into hers gently. Silica held on to him, gasping and panting softly with each and every thrust. His fingers, slick with her lubricants, kept stroking the rim of her valve where he was penetrating her. The slow movements were driving her crazy, but there was nothing she could do about it.

Her legs started shaking, her venting hitched. Her port felt so warm, almost too warm due to the prolonged session and slowly, all strength seemed to be leaving her quivering limbs. With a long, soft whine, she overloaded.

But Optimus wasn't finished yet. He continued rocking into her at his steady, slow pace, still holding her, one arm slung behind her back and down to where they were joined together, the other across her shoulders, hand resting on the back of her head. Silica had never felt so helpless in her entire life, although there was something incredibly sensual about this helplessness. Whatever this was, it was just completely different from anything he had done to her before.

He had never been overly vocal during his own overloads, but this time he was just awfully quiet as his whole body tensed up and he held her even tighter for a moment, his forehead against the side of her helm. Optimus exhaled heavily when it was over. She could feel his spike throbbing inside of her, a slight tremble went through his whole frame. He released her and she slowly climbed off of him to lay by his side.

Optimus had opened his optics again and was now staring at the dark ceiling with a frown on his face.

"I should not have done this. I should _not_ have done this." He murmured, more to himself than to Silica.

"Optimus…" He threw her a quick glance. Primus, she looked so confused.

"I am… sorry, I need to go." The Prime said, getting up off the bed and walking to the door slowly. Still hot, sticky from their combined fluids and trembling, Silica sat up in his bed and called after him.

"What? Where?"

He sighed, but didn't turn back around. "To clear my processor." With that he left.


	7. Rough Beginnings

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter Seven: Rough Beginnings**

The nights in the desert were cold, the air pleasantly crisp and the sky clear. Optimus was no fool, he knew this calm environment didn't mean he was save from Decepticon attacks, but so far, he had encountered no sign of them. He had time to think as he drove his patrol circuit.

What he had done earlier bothered him greatly. He hadn't hurt her, Primus forbid, he would have noticed that, but he somehow felt like he had violated something. Himself maybe. Or them, if there was a "them" in the first place.

His large engine worked harder to follow the inclining road ahead. What had he been thinking? And what, he wondered, was Silica thinking of him now? That he didn't know what he wanted? That a Prime acted on minute whims, contradictive to his own set rules? He was an idiot for sending out mixed signals, really.

By doing so, he was also confusing himself. He kept telling himself he harbored no romantic feelings toward the young female, yet he found himself longing to touch her in rather inappropriate ways. If he only hadn't started this in the first place. Did he have to talk to her about this? Perhaps, but he really did not want to.

It would probably be enough to simply apologize to her and be done with it anyway. He did not need her to know about his own emotional disarray, it wouldn't do her any good and she had enough to worry about herself as it was.

Primus, and the nightmares. He wished he could just turn them off, but all the same, he knew what made them really frightening was that they just were not far fetched, way too close to reality to be brushed off. He had seen the horrors of war, bore the scars that came with it. He could cope with that, somewhat, but some bots just didn't belong in a war. Bots like Silica, or their sparklings.

Thinking back, he had never asked her why she had joined the Autobots to begin with. He just couldn't imagine her on the battlefield, sweet, gentle Silica tearing through Decepticon soldiers- that image simply didn't compute. On the other hand, there were bots like Bumblebee, who were both incredibly soft- sparked and tough as nails. He wondered how she would hold up in a potentially threatening situation, but at the same time, he didn't ever want to see it.

He kept thinking about the worst case scenario, with their base being discovered by the enemy. They would be out in the open, with nowhere to hide, their only equipment what they could carry, no ground bridge, minimal medical supplies. Not a pleasant thought by itself, but with little sparklings thrown into the mix, it turned into a scenario that might as well have sprung from one of his nightmares.

If all else failed, he could ask the human government to help them hide at least Silica and the little ones, assuming the Decepticons never found out about them. Even then, he wasn't sure they would be safe with the humans. They were allies, yes, but he didn't exactly trust them with bots who couldn't hold their own in a fight. Humans and cybertronians were just too much alike- curious, greedy and fickle. Also, one couldn't just lock up sparklings forever. And here was another problem.

He sighed. However one thought about it, new issues kept arising on every corner, at every end of every line of thought.

XXXXXXXXXX

The following months weren't exactly easy for team Prime. They suffered some major setbacks when it came to the collection of energon and the Decepticons had undergone numerous attempts to raid human factories for whatever they could use, which had resulted in quite a bit of collateral damage.

Not exactly the best precondition to break the news of Silica's condition to Special Agent Fowler, Optimus thought wryly as the helicopter landed on top of their base. However, he had procrastinated far too long already and there simply was no way around it- he had to tell their ally, if only to prepare him for the possibility of their team not being able to fight at full capacity at some point. Also, Silica had actually started showing and for a cybertronian carrying cycle, that usually meant there wasn't too much time left until emergence. Primus, the time had gone by way too fast.

"Prime! I hope you have a good reason for making me come here. What is it?" The man said, loosening his tie as he left the elevator.

"Good morning to you too, Special Agent Fowler. I apologize for the inconvenience, but I felt like the matter at hand should be discussed personally." Optimus was standing in front of the human in his best addressing-the-troops-pose, his feet planted on the floor securely, shoulders squared.

"What did you guys do this time?"

"I would merely like to inform you about one of my Autobot's personal medical issue, which might… have a certain impact on the team's effectiveness concerning patrol routines and handling of Decepticon activity." He tried to sound as professional as he could, but Fowler would have none of that.

"Cut the crap, Prime. Did one of you catch a virus again or what?"

"No, I fear the matter is much more delicate than that. Our newest arrival, Silica, well… she… uh…" Frag. He had played this scene in his head over and over again, thought of multiple ways how to explain this to their government liaison, but now he didn't know what to say. Brilliant.

"What about her? Come on, spill it."

"… she is carrying newsparks. In human terms, she is pregnant."

William Fowler said nothing. He stood there, right in front of Optimus Prime, staring at the leader of the Autobots, mouth gaping.

"You're kidding. You're kidding me, Prime."

"I am not."

"What. The. Fuck. Jesus fucking Christ! Pregnant?! You guys can get pregnant?! What the- does this look like a daycare center to you?! What in the name of god made you think this was a good idea? No wait, let me guess, it was an accident, huh? What are you, a bunch of oversized teenagers?! God!"

"It is the reason why we have maximized our efforts to increase our energon stockpile. Which was only mildly successful, I have to admit." Optimus explained to the fuming human. He had in fact reacted better than he had expected.

"Okay you know what just, just stop for a second. You're telling me that one of you is gonna have a baby _and_ you don't even have enough fuel for that? Seriously, if I didn't know that you don't have even an ounce of humor in you, I'd be applauding you now because you're still managing to keep a straight face. Oh GOD!" He exclaimed and turned around quickly, tearing his hair.

Optimus turned around himself, his gaze softened. Ratchet was currently helping Silica walk from the hallway that led to the private quarters to his makeshift medbay. Compared to how human females looked when they were carrying, Silica's bump was rather unspectacular, but for a cybertronian this level of dilation was already highly uncomfortable and greatly hindering the range of motion. Respectively, she was having dire trouble moving about by now.

"Sweet Jesus, I can't even- oh man, how long have you guys been keeping this a secret? Can she even transform like that?"

"Transforming is not possible at this stage of gestation, no."

"Now that's just sad. That's like watching a butterfly that's fallen into a puddle and can't fly anymore. A huge metal butterfly." Fowler watched the young femme's cumbersome movements for a while, then he sighed. "Now what am I supposed to tell my superiors, huh? That you like it so much here you're starting to multiply?"

"I would advise you to treat this information confidentially, unless disclosure is absolutely necessary. In the wrong hands, it might lead to disastrous outcomes for the whole team."

"Okay, I'll call off the baby shower then. And you", he said, sneaking another glance at the pregnant female as she leaned against the examination table exhaustedly. His expression softened a bit at the somewhat pitiful sight and for a moment, there was a strange look in his eyes Optimus had never before noticed on him. "You just… take care of that."

He left after that and didn't show himself in the weeks to follow, but one day, a large trailer filled to the brim with gasoline was left in front of their base. They couldn't use it in this form, but they could refine it into energon. It wasn't much, but it would help.

XXXXXXXXXX

The heavy red and blue truck thundered over the highway near Elliott, Autralia. The sun heated his roof and hood mercilessly, the asphalt so hot he felt like his tires would melt off. This was definitely not a pleasant drive, but he wanted to make sure there really were no Decepticons in the area before heading back to their base. It had probably been a false alarm, but he'd rather have his tires molten than let the enemy wreak havoc among the human population in the area, sparse though it may have been.

When he was pinged by an incoming message from across the planet, he slammed his brakes out of reflex. He had been on edge for the past weeks and not without reason. What the medic at the other end told him only confirmed his suspicions.

"Optimus, come in. Code floret. I repeat, code floret. Opening ground bridge at following coordinates." A row of numbers surged across the comm link, Optimus hit the gas and did a harsh u turn, his sticky tires squealing and producing a significant amount of smoke before he accelerated towards the bridge.

A cloud of reddish dust followed him into the main room of the base. He transformed hastily, a cold shiver running down his heated back when he heard a long, anguished moan. Silica. He found her braced on Ratchet's operating table, her head low between her upper arms, optics clenched shut tightly. Her venting was heavy and irregular, she was clearly in pain. Optimus put his hand on her back, gently rubbing up and down across her plating.

"I'm here, Silica. I'm here. Ratchet?"

"Her readings are stable. The sparklings seem to have started repositioning, abdominal dilation should set in soon. She is in a good condition, but we need to watch her closely." The old medic stated, taking another look at the display on his arm before crouching beside the femme. "Silica, I have contacted June. She's on her way and will be here shortly."

The young femme nodded mutely. Optimus sent messages to Arcee and Bulkhead to not bring the children to their base until further notice, but stay with them in Jasper to watch over them- even if this was the first time he himself witnessed a birth, he had a vague understanding of how ugly things could become and he didn't want them to see this. Also, he feared they might get hurt should something go wrong and bots didn't watch their step anymore. One human was enough and he was confident June would be attentive and focused enough to handle the situation.

He and Ratchet had decided they would call Bumblebee back to base to assist them. The scout was young and gentle, but headstrong enough to keep a clear processor in difficult situations. He was also way better at comforting others than Arcee and not nearly as squeamish as Bulkhead, which was exactly why Ratchet wanted him to be there with them.

Silica hung on to her Prime's arm helplessly as more painful surges rocked her already trembling body. Truth be told, it made his energon run cold to see her in such pain and knowing it had only just started. He couldn't even help her, other than being there and trying to comfort her. Relieved, he noted the arrival of June and Bumblebee a few minutes later.

The hours passed and the labor got worse. June did a great job talking to Silica, breathing in and out with her, encouraging her. The femme didn't speak at all. Bumblebee and Optimus did their best to support her. It wasn't an easy task, trying to guess what she needed or what position she wanted to be in at the moment, but they worked together rather well.

Cybertronian births were long and, due to their relatively rigid metal bodies, difficult. Silica progressed very slowly even for their standards, and although Ratchet had provided her with an IV, was growing low on energy, scared and frustrated. After a particularly painful episode over forty hours into labor, she broke out into tears. Optimus, who was sitting behind her, holding her against his chassis gently, brushed his cheek against her forehead.

"I can't… please… make it stop…" She sobbed. Bumblebee returned with a fresh cool pack, sitting down next to them and taking a hold of her hand.

"You're doing great, Silica. You can do it." He said as he pressed the cool pack to her helm carefully. He was growing tired himself, but he would stay with her until the very end. Just like June, Ratchet and Optimus. June, who had very distinct dark circles around her eyes by now, patted Silica's forearm.

"I know it's hard, but you're doing a great job, honey. Yes, that's it, deep breaths. Beautiful." She urged her on. To be completely honest, she was starting to get worried herself though. The only sources of information she had when it came to Cybertronians birthing were the translated records Ratchet had given her, but she felt like something wasn't right, like Silica's stamina was deteriorating without them really getting anywhere.

The femme's screams seemed to shake the base's foundations as the next set of contractions arrived. She clung to the Prime's chest so tightly she was denting his armor, he tried not to flinch as he endured it. Ratchet took another scan and evaluated the results. The sparklings were both in the right position to emerge and the first one had even made its way quite a bit down the birth canal, but it hadn't moved from there in over two hours. As they didn't require oxygen like human infants, the sparklings were fine, but he feared they might become under- energized if the birth was prolonged much more.

Silica was still crying miserably when the pain ebbed away a little bit. Her strength was fading quickly, the torturously strong contractions coming in quick succession and barely leaving her time to recuperate. Her body felt like it was being torn apart from the inside and there just was no way for her to stop it or to ease the pain.

After another two hours or so, Ratchet became increasingly worried. Silica's life signals were dropping continuously and there still was no progress. The situation was steadily growing more dangerous for her sparklings as well, and he finally was certain he had to act if they were to survive this unscathed.

Very carefully, he helped her onto her back so he could try to help the first sparkling on its way out. He knew it hurt her a great deal when he inserted his hand to take a hold of the unborn little bot, but there was nothing he could do about her pain right now. His supplies when it came to painkillers were limited and what he had would have been too harsh on her straining systems.

With the next wave of contractions, he tugged gently, but other than the laboring mother's screams rising in volume, it accomplished nothing at all. Just what he had feared.

"They're… too big. They got stuck above her pelvic arc." Ratchet said, sitting back and throwing June a worried look. "We need to get them another way."

"A cesarian? Is that possible?" The nurse braced her hands on her knees exhaustedly.

"No. A Cybertronian's internal organs aren't as flexible as a human's, I would have to remove way too many parts. It would take too long and be too risky." He explained as he quickly walked to a cabinet by the wall and opened a large drawer. "I… hoped I wouldn't have to use this."

The tool he retrieved looked like an oversized hydraulic rescue cutter, but with curved plates attached to its end. It was heavy and even though her processor was somewhat groggy, Silica tried to scuttle back in fear when Ratchet placed it on the operating table.

"What are you going to do?" June asked, appalled by the sight of the brutish looking instrument.

"I need to make some room for the sparklings. I… will need to fracture her pelvis and secure it in a spread open position so I can get them out without damaging them." He quickly made some adjustments to the settings of the tool and coated it with large amounts of lubrication.

At hearing what Ratchet's plan was, Optimus was feeling rather sick. Inflicting this kind of damage didn't sit well with him at all. "Is there no other way?" The Prime asked, for once not even trying to mask the uneasiness in his voice.

"I know it sounds horrible, and it is, but if we want all three of them to live, I fear this is our best option. Optimus, Bumblebee you'll need to help me. June, you better stay clear, this might be dangerous for you." The nurse merely nodded and started climbing off of the medical berth.

"Alright. Optimus. Sit over here and hold her in front of you. No matter what happens, do not let go of her. Try to restrain her arms as well. Bumblebee, I need you to hold her legs still. Can you do that?" Bumblebee nodded, gulping. Ratchet sighed, then turned to Silica, who was slowly starting to panic.

"Ratchet… my sparklings-"

"They are going to be fine, I promise. But you need to be very brave now, for them. I won't lie, this is going to be painful. You need to hang on Silica. It will be over soon. I'm sorry."

She agreed with a weak nod, tears running down her face. "Good girl. Ready?" Optimus and Bumblebee nodded quietly. Ratchet moved so he was standing in front of the femme's spread legs and took a deep vent. Silica screamed and tried to struggle when he pushed the device into her slowly.

"Hold her steady!" He barked at the other two mechs, who had some difficulties to keep the thrashing femme from moving. June simply stood there, a good distance away from them, and watched, her arms crossed tightly in front of her body. She was used to quite a bit through her work as a nurse and she herself knew some medical procedures which required the infliction of damage prior to a treatment, but still it was a sickening sight.

Finally, Ratchet managed to position the jaws of the tool in a way that would allow the attached plates to push the massive metal part that was her pelvis apart without slipping. "Three, two, one…" he activated the machine and the topmost part split with a loud humming noise.

Silica's screams were deafening as the pressure inside her pelvis increased, she had never been in so much pain in her entire life. A sickening creaking sound was heard as the tool expanded relentlessly. Tears welled up in Optimus Prime's optics- this wasn't what he had imagined this to be like and certainly not something he had wanted her to endure. He twitched as a loud, very loud cracking sound was heard and her internal structure finally gave out.

Ratchet stopped the device after a few more seconds and had it deploy a spreader ring to her abused insides. He then pulled the tool out and put it aside. Delivering the first sparkling went quickly after that. It was the little femme, healthy and undamaged, if exhausted. The mechling was a bit more difficult as he was still lodged deeper within his mother, but in the end, Ratchet managed to get a hold of him too and get him out. He placed both of them in a makeshift crib (which was actually just an old storage box clad out with clean rags) and went back to their mother to take care of her.

Silica was about to black out, he could see that alone from the way her optics moved erratically. "Stay with me, young one. Stay with me." He said to her while starting to repair her as quickly as possible. The spreader had done quite some damage, but she would recover. Piecing her internals back together wasn't easy given the very limited space, but he managed to weld her back together the best he could and make sure she hadn't busted a major fuel line.

"I need to put her in stasis, now. Her energy levels are critical." Inducing stasis didn't take the experienced medic long, it was a standard emergency procedure after all. Her body went limp, her optics closed. "Good. You two can check on the sparklings now. I'll take a few more minutes to get her stabilized."

Optimus gently peeled himself away from the femme and rearranged her on the operating table. He paused before following the sound of the two whimpering newborns and stroked the femme's helm apologetically. He'd never meant for something like this to happen and he felt incredibly guilty, knowing he was partly responsible for it. But she was in good hands.

An irritated squeal from the box reminded him there was someone else who needed him right now and so he left her in Ratchet's care. There was no reason to sneak up to the box like he did, but he almost felt like too much noise would be detrimental right now. When he was close enough to take a look at the Autobot base's newest inhabitants, he stopped. He had seen sparklings before of course, but nothing in the universe could have ever prepared him for this.

There they were, _his_ newborn sparklings, in a box amidst soft rags, wiggling their tiny little limbs and trying to open huge blue optics. He didn't dare pick either of them up, merely reaching into the box and stroking chubby little faceplates instead. The little noises they produced made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like a newly discovered part of his programming stirred and made him want to do anything to ensure his offspring was well and happy.

Bumblebee walked up beside him, staring into the box with wide optics. Fascinated by their tiny little hands, he touched one with his index finger carefully, only to have it grabbed and pulled on. The yellow scout was absolutely at a loss for words, and not because of his damaged vocalizer. He smiled and looked at his leader, his friend, who just couldn't seem to take his optics off of his little ones.


	8. Rearrangements

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter Eight: Rearrangements**

One would have thought that centuries of looking after ragtag groups of Autobots, of training rookies and disciplining loose cannons would prepare a mech for parenthood, but as Optimus Prime had to discover, that wasn't the case.

Taking care of one sparkling wasn't easy, but two was a whole different story. Especially since Silica had been in stasis since she had given birth. It had been over two weeks now and while it was unfortunate she couldn't be there to take care of their sparklings and further bond with them, Ratchet had his reasons to not wake her up just yet, as he wanted to ensure she healed properly and without a misalignment of fractured parts due to her trying to move. This would spare her quite a bit of pain as well.

Still, Optimus wished he didn't have to do this on his own. The other Autobots tried to help him to the best of their abilities; Bulkhead in particular seemed absolutely smitten with the little ones, fussing over them at every turn. In the beginning, Optimus had been a bit worried the ex-wrecker might damage them accidentally, but he never handled them with anything but utmost care.

But the sparklings were already way more attentive than he would have thought. They seemed to know exactly who they were dealing with, whether it was their sire, Ratchet or any of the others. They seemed to recognize their mother's inactive body as well, as they were always all over her whenever Optimus took them to visit her in the med bay. It often looked like they were trying to wake her up, tiny hands grabbing at her plating while they were cooing and squeaking at her.

In any case, they didn't seem to see the others as proper substitutes for their actual creators, growing restless and whiny when Optimus was away on a mission. His presence alone managed to calm them way better than anything his team could do, so he tried his best to be near them most of the time.

Thankfully, they weren't very active yet and didn't have many needs except for refueling, a bit of cuddling and recharging. That would change soon though, as Ratchet had assured him somewhat forebodingly, and then they would be 'harder to look after than a swarm of scraplets', as the medic had put it so eloquently.

As it was now, he could at least work while they were recharging, but it was wearing on him. The outside world sadly didn't care he had his offspring to look after, continuing its course as it had always done, would always do.

The humans' first visit to their base after Silica had given birth had been interesting, to say the least. Raf, despite being the youngest, had actually acted more mature than Jack and Miko had, being very careful, understanding and attentive around the newborns.

There was no way the humans could possibly damage the sparklings, but the other way around, well. Uncoordinated playing and chewing on humans would probably not have been the safest thing to do. As weird as it sounded, but until his son and his daughter were old enough to actually understand how fragile humans were, Optimus would have to see to it there would always be some bot around who could protect their human friends from his offspring.

Optimus cupped the back of his son's head, cradling the sleepy infant to his chest while walking up and down in his room quietly. His daughter, whom they had named Bentona, was already recharging soundly. All in all, she was a bit less complicated and clingy than her brother, but they both were sweet little bitlets.

Flux, the little mechling, was in fact fighting to stay awake for whatever reason, but slowly losing the battle as the warmth and the sound of his father's sparkbeat lulled him into recharge. His large blue optics were dim and almost closed, his head slowly tilting to the side to rest against Optimus' chestplates.

When he was sure the sparkling in his arms was fast asleep, he carefully pried off the little fingers clinging to his windshield wipers and put his son into the cushioned box to recharge beside his daughter. If he was lucky, he now had a few hours to catch up on some paperwork before one of the sparklings would awake, start crying, wake its twin and then they would both be crying and requiring attention once again.

XXXXXXXXXX

The world was dark, a big nothingness, void of all sensation, time space or thought. But no, there were voices, dull and almost too quiet to hear, but they were constantly growing louder, clearer, and with them came back the feeling of time and a concept of space. An aching processor made Silica crunch her faceplates into a pained grimace.

"There, she's onlining." It was a quiet, familiar voice. Whose voice was it? She had heard it many times before…

"R…Ratchet…?" She could feel a warm hand on her shoulder. Her optics took a few seconds to adjust to the blinding light around her, but when they did she could see the white and red medic standing beside her.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. His tone was oddly tender. She didn't reply, but closed her optics again and let her head slump back against the berth's headrest. Another, bigger hand took a hold of hers.

"Silica." A different voice, belonging to a different mech, but it was just as familiar, maybe even more so. She looked up at the large red and blue mech and felt like there was something she was supposed to remember, but didn't. Optimus. His name was Optimus. He was smiling at her, but it wasn't a happy smile. His optics looked sad. Had something bad happened?

Her optics suddenly widened and her spark felt like it was being submerged in liquid nitrogen. It all came back to her now, the birth, the complications…

"My sparklings-" The femme couldn't help but gasp loudly as she tried to sit up abruptly and a sharp pain surged through her body.

"Easy", Ratchet said, carefully pushing her back down by the shoulders, "you should try to avoid any sudden movements for a few solar cycles. Your injuries may have healed well, but it will still irritate the welds. And your sparklings are perfectly fine, we have been taking good care of them. They are currently in recharge."

She vented heavily for a few seconds as the pain subsided. "How… how long have I been out?"

"You have been in stasis for almost one month." That took a moment to sink in. One month. In other words, more than a decacycle. Had her injuries really been that severe?

"I… want to see them."

The walk to Optimus Prime's room was slow and tedious. Silica's legs felt weak and wobbly, her joints stiff and her whole lower body aching, but she tried not to show her discomfort too much, walking slowly by Optimus' side, holding on to his arm for support.

Arcee, who had been watching over the sparklings as they recharged, got up and left the room when they entered, merely nodding at the younger femme and her commander as she passed them. She was still holding a grudge against him simply because the twins existed, but every once in a while Optimus had seen her smile as she rocked their cradle carefully. He was glad her anger was directed only at him and not the sparklings; should it ever come to it, he was sure she would fight to protect them just as ferociously as the rest of the team.

Silica slowed down even more when she spotted the crib next to the berth. Her spark was racing in her chest. She had not been entirely conscious when her sparklings were finally born and did not remember all of it either, thus, she had not seen them yet. They wouldn't feel that way, she somehow knew that, but Silica was… ashamed. She hadn't been there for them and now she felt like an intruder.

When they were close enough for her to actually throw a glance inside, tears shot to her optics, her legs gave out, but Optimus held her.

"They are… they are so beautiful…" she sobbed quietly. And _big_. They must have grown considerably during the past weeks, for she could not imagine two bots of that size possibly fitting inside her womb. They would be tall when they grew up, she could see that already, just like their father. Their faces were almost white, smooth and delicate features relaxed while their vents worked steadily.

The tiny femme's face scrunched up and she squirmed, she must have sensed something had changed. Her optics opened a bit to look up at them drowsily, then they widened. Mother and daughter stared at each other, neither of them moving. Bentona then stretched out her little hands, asking to be picked up. As Silica still seemed frozen in place, Optimus lifted their daughter from the crib and carried her to her mother, his large hands handling the sparkling lovingly and with incredible gentleness.

Comfortable in the crook of her father's arm, the tiny femme kept eyeing Silica up. Their bond, dormant during her stasis, reactivated. The sparkling squealed and reached out to her happily, grabbing her armor. Silica stroked the little helmet slowly before taking Bentona into her arms herself. The tears were running down her cheeks freely.

"Is she…?" Her voice cracked.

"She did not inherit the breeder programming." Optimus spoke quietly. "Ratchet checked."

Silica nodded, pressing her lips together firmly and holding the sparkling close. "Thank Primus." She whispered.

XXXXXXXXXX

A few hours later, the sparklings both had been cuddled and played with, then fed, then put to recharge again. Silica had helped Optimus where she could, but she was still weakened and could only move slowly. She had been sitting next to them for quite a while, watching silently as they recharged. Meanwhile, Optimus was doing some overdue paperwork at his desk.

When he looked up, Silica had fallen into recharge herself, still sitting by the makeshift crib. She seemed older, he noticed now, much older than when she had first arrived here on earth, although he couldn't really tell what it was about her appearance causing that effect. She looked uncomfortable, too.

He got up from his desk quietly to approach her. The little ones were still sound asleep, snuggled up to each other. There was slight turbulence in the little mechling's venting system, creating an endearing sound akin to snoring. The Prime smiled, watching his sparklings recharge for a moment before crouching next to Silica and touching her shoulder gently.

Although she stirred and mumbled something incomprehensive, she did not wake, so he picked her up carefully and lay her down on his berth before turning to go back to his desk. He hesitated though. There was a lot he still had to catch up on, as he had not been able to keep up while taking care of the twins, but he also hadn't had a decent recharge cycle for a while.

Begrudgingly he still sat down to continue his work, but after another hour or so he realized it was of no use. Concentrating on his tasks was next to impossible- he had been staring at the same file for several minutes now, reading and re- reading it, recognizing the words but unable to bring more than half a sentence into context. He shut down his console and leaned back in his chair.

This was getting dangerous, he needed his processor sharp and functioning. Should anything happen, he would need to not only assess the situation quickly, but also make the correct decision and act on it. His team, his family depended on it. He simply could not afford to be overtired. His files would have to wait.

His berth wasn't actually made for two bots, but it had always been big enough for the two of them, even though it was a snug fit. Spooning Silica, he lay down and put his arm around her waist. She felt warm and smooth, as she always had. He frowned. Her middle was different, he noticed as his hand touched somewhat still loose and misaligned parts. This, along with the still very vivid memory of the birth, made him actually realize how harsh reproduction really was on a femme's body. Some parts would surely return to their previous positions in time, but her body would never truly be the same as before the pregnancy.

And to think that he, Optimus Prime, had done this to her. An adult she may have been, but he still was her Prime and he felt responsible for her. Right now, he felt like he had let her down. It could have been much worse, too. She could have died, hadn't it been for Ratchet's intervention.

Just then, she turned around, her large blue optics opened and she looked at him. They hadn't shared a berth ever since the incident back when she was still carrying, but she didn't appear to be surprised. In fact, he could not read her usually so open and honest features at all. Nothing was said while they looked at each other. She opened her mouth a tiny bit, their faces were so close to each other.

Nothing happened. Silica closed her mouth again, her cheek twitched ever so slightly and she turned to face away from him again. His arm was still around her, but now her comparatively delicate hand had found its way onto the red armor plates of his arm.

 **There it goes, the calm before the storm…**


	9. Calamity

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

"The Very Hungry Caterpillar" doesn't, either.

Oh and hey, check out the soundtrack for this story on my profile ;)

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter Nine: Calamity**

"The caterpillar ate through one nice leaf, and after that he felt better. Now he wasn't hungry anymore- and he wasn't a little caterpillar anymore. He was a big fat caterpillar. He built a small house, called a cocoon, around himself. He stayed inside for more than two weeks. Then he nibbled a hole in the cocoon, pushed his way out and… he became a beautiful butterfly!"

Flux laughed and bounced in his spot beside the young human. He liked the caterpillar story. Bentona looked at the last picture quietly, then pointed at it. Raf chuckled.

"Yes, that's a butterfly. They feed on flower nectar and they can fly." The femme sparkling's gaze wandered from the picture to Raf's face, then back to the picture and finally all throughout the base's main room, as if looking for those peculiar, colorful creatures, but the only really colorful things she could find were Bumblebee, her father helping Ratchet with his work, the medic himself and a few toys strewn about.

"Oh, you won't find any in here. They only live outside, but… you haven't been outside, huh?" Bentona simply stared, not understanding what this 'outside' he was speaking of was supposed to be.

"You will get to go outside when you're a bit older. It's no place for little sparklings." Bumblebee explained to her, snatching up Flux just before he could start trying to pry the fabric off of the couch Raf was sitting on. The mechling squawked in protest, but soon was satisfied poking the headlights on the scout's chest instead.

It never ceased to amaze Bumblebee how fundamentally different the two of them were, even though they were twins. They were only a few months old, but both were obviously quite smart. While Flux was rather emotional, playful and outright silly, his sister seemed to be more of a quiet thinker. In any case, she had Optimus' sense of humor, which pretty much equaled to none at all. But boy, did she love to hear stories. That was probably why Raf was now her favorite human, as he always brought some books he could read to them. Today, it was "The Very Hungry Caterpillar", a book Rafael's mother had read to him too when he was younger.

It was one of those sturdy cardboard books for toddlers, the pages of which Bentona was now turning carefully as if handling the greatest treasure in the world.

"Ouch! Hey watch it little guy!" The scout exclaimed, pulling the other sparkling's curious fingers out of a gap between his armor plates where he had been pinching and pulling wires on his protoform. Flux struggled in his grasp, whining. Well, what _was_ he allowed to do?!

"Flux. Come here." Optimus ordered calmly, climbing from the ground bridge repair hatch. Bumblebee set the little mech down on the ground. Flux got up on his feet clumsily and ran to his sire, his short steps still a bit unpracticed but surprisingly quick. He almost fell over when he reached him and threw out his little arms, but was picked up quickly and lifted up to the Prime's optic level.

"I told you pinching is not a nice thing to do. Did you pinch Bumblebee?" Flux averted his optics and squirmed again, but Optimus would have none of it.

"Did you pinch him?" The mechling sniffed and mewled, quickly at the brink of tears. He knew exactly what he had done wrong and the gentle reprimand was more than enough to make him feel very ashamed.

"Now, now. I believe Bumblebee will forgive you if you apologize to him." He carried his son back to the yellow mech, who had to keep himself from giggling. He himself knew very well what it was like to be scolded by Optimus. Like no other, their Prime had long since perfected his technique of making one feel guilty for one's misbehavior, even more so because he didn't even have to raise his voice to do it. In this case, apologizing meant giving the scout a hug, given that the sparklings could not speak yet.

"It's okay, really." Bumblebee chuckled and petted the little blue helm of the sparkling. "Hey, why don't we see what toys we have lying around here, huh?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Her arms, back and shoulders were burning as she pulled herself up slowly for the 30th time. Pull ups had never been her specialty, but that was precisely why Bulkhead had her do them regularly. Well, it would have been much easier if it hadn't been the fifth round in their little circle session.

"Okay, now 30 transformations. Go!"

"I'm literally dying, Bulk…" Silica panted after letting herself drop from the large branch she had been using for the pull ups.

"Not if you can still speak. Come on, last lap!" Huffing, she started the first transformation hastily.

By the time they returned to the base, she was absolutely spent. This harsh form of physical training was meant to do exactly that, take her to the brink of total exhaustion and eventually beyond that, time and time again, to build up resilience. It meant she burned a bit more energon, but Optimus and the others insisted this was an important part of her training.

Thick and dark clouds had formed in the sky as the sun set, it looked like a thunderstorm was coming. The side of the mesa split to reveal the hidden entrance and they drove through the short tunnel leading to the main room. Ratchet was at his workspace as usual, all else was quiet. They transformed and Silica looked around. The medic started at the noise.

"Where are _you_ coming from?"

"Well, from outside." Bulkhead shrugged.

"Where are the twins? I don't see them anywhere." Silica walked around in the room, looking behind consoles and workbenches.

"Wait, I thought they were with you." Ratchet seemed flustered, putting aside his tools and wiping his hands.

"No, I thought _you_ were watching them." The long and uncomfortable silence afterward made Silica's spark skip a beat. "Ratchet, I told you we were going for a training session hours ago."

"…slag." The medic scratched the back of his head and ex- vented slowly. "Well, they can't have gotten all too far. Let's go check in the back."

An hour later, there was still no sign of the sparklings.

"I can't find them anywhere!" Bulkhead exclaimed, desperation growing stronger in his spark. "Where could they have possibly gone?"

"Maybe…" Silica tapped her chin with her fingertips lightly, then turned to the tunnel leading to the exit. Thunder was growling outside, loud and threatening. Her optics widened and her spark gave a painful, worried convulsion. "… maybe they followed us. Slipped out when no one was looking…"

"Or maybe we've overlooked something. They could have gotten into the ventilation system somehow, they would easily fit into the ducts…"

"I'm going out there." Silica stated, preparing to transform back into vehicle mode.

"Wait. Shouldn't we call Optimus first?" Bulkhead threw in.

"Optimus, Arcee and Bumblebee are still on their raiding mission. The interference down in the mine is too strong for our communications to reach them. And as they haven't reported in yet, I'm assuming they're still in there." Ratchet explained, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Anyway, as I said, for all we know they could still be here."

"Yes, _could_! And what if they aren't?" The white and green femme snapped at the medic impatiently. "If they're anywhere in here, they'll turn up eventually. But if they really are out there somewhere, we don't have any time to waste. Primus knows what could happen to them."

Ratchet took a moment to think about what she had said. Then he nodded. "Alright. But be careful. Bulkhead, you're with her. I'll keep an optic out for them here and keep trying to contact Optimus. If anything happens and I mean _anything_ , I want you to report in immediately."

Silica nodded, transformed and drove off into the storm, Bulkhead following right behind her.

They started searching the base's immediate surroundings and kept working their way out in tight circles. The rain was beating down on them, obscuring what lay ahead, the usually so dry landscape illuminated by lightning every once in a while. They looked behind every boulder, in every crack, scanned the sparse vegetation. Nothing.

Roaring thunder, deafening rain. Mud. They had long since left the road and Silica was having trouble keeping up with Bulkhead's more offroad- suitable vehicle mode, her tires spinning futilely on the slippery ground. She transformed and continued on foot, Bulkhead slowed down, anxious to keep her in his line of sight. The young femme had learned much ever since her arrival, but she was still a rookie.

She blinked, to get rid of the water on her lenses. Dread had taken over in her spark. They were somewhere out here, afraid, cold and potentially in danger, she knew it. And if she didn't find them…

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away from them, three Autobots made their way out of a large opening in the side of a mountain. Before they even reached the exit, a commlink buzzed to life.

 _/-se-…timus! Base to Optimus! Do you read?/_

Optimus Prime continued, cautiously peeking around the next corner before exiting the mine they had just stolen a considerable amount of energon from, thankfully without any of the workers noticing (or remaining conscious) and setting off the alarm. It was a revolting feeling to rely on stealing just to ensure his team's survival, but in their situation, it would have to be excused.

 _/Optimus to base. Mission successful, requesting ground bridge to previous coordinates./_

Optimus knew something was wrong the moment he set foot in their home. Ratchet looked agitated, quickly turning off the bridge and walking up to them as soon as they were through.

"Optimus. We have a situation. It's the sparklings."

"COME ON! WE HAVE TO FIND THEM!" Silica was growing more desperate by the minute. They had to yell to communicate as the storm raging on around them wasn't only loud, it was also interfering with their commlinks.

"I KNOW! I KNOW, OKAY!?" Bulkhead hollered back. If anything happened to the bitlets, he would never be able to forgive himself.

They were running out of ideas on where else to look for them and finding them even further away from base seemed unlikely. But other than carrying on just the way they had before, there was nothing they could do. Silica stopped and turned around. A flash of lightning painted the silhouette of another steep rock formation into the night. She frowned and took a step towards it.

"SILICA! WE NEED TO STICK TO OUR PATTERN! WE'LL NEVER FIND THEM IF WE START STRAYING!"

That only stopped her for a moment. Something was drawing her to that area and whatever it was, she was almost feeling a physical pull towards it. All Bulkhead could do was following her.

Spark hammering in her chest, she illuminated the stone with her headlights. Then she heard it, a soft whimper, almost inaudible. For a moment she wasn't even sure whether or not she had really heard it, but there it was again. She took a few steps in the direction where she thought it had come from and felt a pulse in her spark. After that, she knew exactly where to go. A few more steps up ahead, behind the next bolder and there, just about at knee height, there was a little gap in the rock face.

Silica crouched and found two sets of large, blue optics looking back at her. Crying out with joy, she helped her sparklings from the little cave they had sought shelter in and brought their shivering little bodies close to herself, warming them. The rain was washing away her tears while she pressed loving kisses to their heads.

Bulkhead had caught up to her by now and when he saw she had found them it felt like the weight of a whole mountain had been lifted off of his shoulders. He knew it probably wouldn't work, but he still tried to contact Ratchet. As expected, there was nothing but static. Well, they weren't that far away from the base anyway, so he didn't think it too much of a problem. They would be back there in no time and then everything would be fine again.

When he saw a pair of headlights approaching through the rain, paired with the sound of a muscle car engine, he thought it was Bumblebee who had found them. However, when another, similar pair showed up, then another, that familiar sinking feeling spread in his tank. Oh no. Their activities must have attracted some unwanted attention.

"SILICA, STAY BEHIND ME!" He shouted, transforming his arms into large blasters and assuming a battle stance. Four, five, no, six Vehicons. Scrap. Outrunning them was not an option. But he'd rather get smelted than let Silica and the sparklings fall in their dirty servos. Time to let loose the wrecker.

Holding her sparklings close, Silica pressed her back against the rock wall as the fight unfolded. Bulkhead shielded them with his body as the Decepticons opened fire, his armor deflecting most of it and his blasters returning the assault furiously. A Vehicon by itself was no match for the green warrior, but in a group they were much more difficult to handle, attacking from all sides. It was a frightening sight to behold as Bulkhead tore through them, slowly gaining the upper hand. However, even though they usually weren't the smartest, they weren't completely stupid either, so they changed their strategy, two of them stepping back and firing at the rock overhang above them instead.

The avalanche they caused sounded much like the thunder and Silica had to take a huge leap so as not to be buried by the falling rocks. Bulkhead however wasn't so quick.

"BULKHEAD, WATCH OUT!"

He only managed to yell one word before the avalanche buried him. "RUN!"

By now, there were only two Decepticons left, three having been taken out by the wrecker and one buried with him. Silica ran as fast as she could. Maybe she could lose them, maybe they would lose sight of her and the rain would obscure her tracks. It was the only thing she could do. Still, she tried the commlink, shouting down the line for Ratchet, Optimus, anyone really. Nothing.

Shots were fired from behind her, she zigzagged through the mud so as to make herself more difficult to hit. A sharp pain in her ankle made her scream and with the next step, her leg gave out underneath her and she fell, curling around Bentona and Flux so they wouldn't get hurt.

Muddy water was hurled up by his large tires as he plowed through the rain full throttle. Something was going on, something horrible, his instincts were practically screaming at him to go faster, push harder. Distant lights only served to prove him right, blue and purple flashes in the rain, gunfire. Pure desperation made his altmode drive faster than he had thought possible, fast enough to leave Bumblebee and Arcee fighting to keep up with him.

They found Bulkhead first, his lower half stuck beneath a pile of rock. They slowed down, but Bulkhead gesticulated at them wildly.

"THAT WAY! THEY WENT THAT WAY! GO GO GO!" And so they sped on. There was a bright blue light ahead- a ground bridge. Two blurry figures were walking up to it, one of them dragging another shape behind itself, one that looked like another bot.

"NO!" Optimus hollered, but he couldn't go any faster. His engine working at its limit, his shock absorbers being wrecked by the uneven ground, he raced towards the portal. Almost there, he transformed without slowing down and with a mighty leap…

He landed in the mud, right were the ground bridge had been the fraction of a second ago.

On all fours, he stared at the ground. It was stained with a smear of energon amidst the drag marks. His fingers dug into the dirt. The mud splashed up several yards when he punched the ground and screamed.


	10. No Mercy

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

By the way, if you haven't read my oneshot "Survival Skills" yet, you should go check it out right about now. Some stuff in this chapter might not make so much sense otherwise.

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter Ten: No Mercy**

The base was deadly silent when they returned, soaked and muddy down to their protoforms. Ratchet didn't need to ask to know what had happened, the quick glance he shared with Optimus already told him everything.

Optimus didn't even stop in the main hall, going straight for the storage instead. A room which not only held supplies, but also a couple of locked, armored cabinets. He returned with a dark box, which he put down on Ratchet's workbench with a heavy clang.

His expression was darker and more threatening than the thunderstorm outside. He took an empty magazine from the box and started filling it with yellow marked rounds quickly. It was no kind of ammunition they would usually fire with- this was the kind that melted armor and exploded after it had done so. Brutally effective, especially when paired with rapid fire guns. A bot hit by one of those was lucky if he ever got back up again.

"What's the plan?" Arcee asked, turning her gaze from Bulkhead, who was sitting on a crate, shivering, to their leader.

"The Nemesis must be infiltrated. We cannot let Megatron have any opportunity to harm the sparklings or Silica." He almost slammed the first full magazine on the table, then started filling another.

"A preemptive strike? Are you sure?" The blue femme put her hands on her hips. It wasn't something their leader would normally consider. But this time was different.

"If we wait for him to contact us for negotiations, we might be gambling with their lives. I, for my part, am not willing to take that risk." He paused. "I am aware this goes against quite some principles. I will not force any of you to participate in this mission."

"I'm with you." Bumblebee beeped.

"Me too."

"Bulkhead, are you-"

"I'm fine, doc. Just a few dents is all. And I think I know another mech who would love roughing up some 'Cons." Wheeljack. Of course. His old friend would probably even be pissed if he didn't invite him to the party.

"This is all my fault. If I had just paid more attention…" Ratchet sighed painfully, shaking his head. "But that won't help them now. Optimus… anything I can do to help you save them, I will."

Arcee walked up to Optimus, he looked at her. Fiery optics gleamed back at him. "We _will_ bring them back."

The Prime mustered his whole team, one by one. They all looked determined, their optics fixed on him. After all, Silica, Flux and Bentona were part of _their_ family, too. And any Decepticon that dared stand between them would now have a very bad day.

"What if it's too late?" Bumblebee asked, although he dreaded even to think of it.

Prime didn't reply, merely lifting the automatic handgun from the box and shoving the loaded magazine into place aggressively. That was clear enough.

XXXXXXXXXX

She was being dragged across the floor by her arms, that was the first thing she noticed when she came to. Her ankle hurt like pit, as did her face. Whoever was dragging her then stopped and let go of her. Slowly, she put her palms on the metal floor in front of herself and looked up.

Feet. Huge feet, silver and purple lower legs- she gasped in shock when she looked further. Never before had she seen him in person, but there was no Autobot in the universe who wouldn't have recognized this mech. Megatron. His ruby optics bore into hers, like those of a predator having spotted easy prey.

Silica couldn't help but shiver in fear as she sat there on the floor before the Decepticon leader.

"Well well, so this is the mysterious new Autobot. I expected something more… impressive."

"I heard she didn't even stand a chance against these two." A slim, winged mech remarked mockingly. Collective laughter. There were at least twenty other mechs on what seemed to be the bridge of their warship.

"Apparently that one's qualities lie somewhere other than the battlefield. Who would have imagined to find Autobot sparklings here on this miserable ball of dirt? And these aren't just anyone's sparklings, now are they?"

The flier, Starscream, cocked his head to the side and looked behind her. She turned around as well. Two bots, looking exactly like the ones that had attacked them, were holding her sparklings, servos clamped over their mouths to keep them from wailing loudly.

"Please, they have nothing to do with this! Do whatever you like with me, but leave them alone, I beg of you!" She pleaded, but even before she got an answer she knew it was useless.

"Silence, Autobot! Now Starscream, look at their faces and tell me who it is you see." Megatron sounded smug and that didn't sit well with Silica at all.

Starscream shrugged. "They look like any other Autobot to me."

"Your deductive skills are miserable." The warlord turned to the young femme again, his evil grin showing off his sharp teeth. "I must say I'm surprised. One wouldn't believe the noble Optimus Prime would lower himself to mingle with the common folk."

Silica scowled and looked away. There was nothing she could have said that would have made the situation any better for them. Had she denied Optimus was their father, she knew he wouldn't have believed her.

"Optimus Prime? Oh this is brilliant. Finally we possess the means to bring him to his knees."

Megatron laughed. "Indeed, Starscream." He then took a step forward and grabbed Silica by the helm none too gently to look at her face. Then and there, Silica thought she might die from fear. "Maybe we should keep you as entertainment for the troops… and send their heads back to their sire. But first, we shall see if there is any valuable information hidden away in that little processor of yours. Breakdown!"

"Lord Megatron?" Wait. She had heard that voice before. When Megatron let her fall to the floor again, she turned around to look at the mech the voice belonged to.

"You?!" There he was, the mech with the dark blue armor, red face and yellow optics. She remembered their last encounter only too well, back on Cybertron.

"You seem to know each other." The Decepticon commander inquired. Breakdown gave a dry laugh.

"We've met."

"Take her to the brig for interrogation."

When Breakdown grabbed her by the arm, her first instinct was to struggle and fight to stay with her sparklings, but then she reminded herself it would get her nowhere. She needed to stay functional and conscious if they were to be saved. As hard as it was, she let herself be walked out of the room without resistance- and quietly started the broadcast.

The Decepticon maneuvered her into an elevator.

"So, _Breakdown_. Nice to finally know your name." Silica said quietly, throwing the bulky mech a side glance as the lift started descending. His altmode had changed obviously, but other than that he looked pretty much as she remembered him. Actually, the fact that it just so happened to be him who had been chosen to take her to the brig was probably a lucky coincidence. She knew how to pull his strings and she fully intended to exploit that.

He chuckled. "So you remember me. I'm flattered."

"How couldn't I?" She did her best to make her voice sound low, silky, _sexy_. "Actually, I've been thinking of you. When I was alone in my quarters, if you know what I mean."

He looked at her, his optics darkened a bit, wandering up and down her body slowly. She knew she looked slightly different after having the twins, but if he noticed at all, he didn't seem to mind. That leer of his was pretty unmistakable.

"Oh, you haven't changed one bit, have you?" He now turned towards her fully and stepped a bit closer. She bit her lip and quickened her venting a little.

"I still like big and strong mechs…" She put her hands on his chest and arched her back just a little bit. He grinned. The elevator then made a little pinging sound and the doors opened to reveal a rather dark corridor. Two Vehicons were standing there, waiting to go up. Breakdown cleared his throat and grabbed her arm again, dragging her into the hallway with him.

"The frag are you two looking at?!" The lower ranked mechs made room for them quickly and they marched past.

After two minutes or so, they stopped in front of a door. By the way Breakdown checked whether anyone was there to see them before he opened it, she could tell this was definitely not the brig. Instead, it was a rather messy storage. There wasn't much opportunity for her to really inspect the surroundings though, as she was pressed against the next wall in a matter of seconds, a hot mouth kissing her forcefully.

She returned it with just as much ferocity, wrapping her arms around his neck. He had walked right into her trap. His strong hands groping her, he let her turn them around so his back was against the wall.

"Open." He growled, she obeyed. He pushed two fingers into her port, she moaned. "That's right… I wonder what Prime would say if he could see you now, you little whore…"

Silica gave him a sultry smile and rubbed his crotch firmly. When he opened his own covering and extended his spike she grasped it harshly and pumped it a few times. His hands grabbed her hips and started maneuvering her back towards a cluttered table.

It all happened very quickly after that. Her enticing smile disappeared and was replaced by a scowl. Breakdown howled when her knee crushed his exposed, vulnerable parts full force and he fell to the floor in a heap, tears shooting into his optics.

"… why you little- hnnnaaagh… I swear… I'm… I'm gonna…"

She ignored the now incapacitated mech, snapping shut her port covering, opening the door and shooting the control panel from the outside once it had closed again. Then she took off down the corridor.

XXXXXXXXXX

Five pairs of optics were locked onto the main screen above the space bridge controls, waiting for a very specific pattern. And, as much as Ratchet dreaded it, a certain sound. They had already geared up, ready to go and had also contacted Wheeljack, who, unsurprisingly, was beaming at the idea of getting to shoot up some Decepticon fliers for a diversion. Now all they needed were coordinates.

Then, as expected, it started. A rhythmic sound filled the room, followed by a somewhat squawky female voice starting to sing.

 _~When I dance they call me Macarena and the boys they say que estoy buena~_

Ratchet gave a sigh. "Why did it have to be _that_ song?" Well, at least this meant Silica was online and well enough to set off their beacon.

"It's recognizable." Arcee shrugged. Ratchet simply grumbled and got to work to find out Silica's exact location.

This had been Rafael's idea- and it was ridiculously simple really. The Nemesis had inbuilt jammers to avoid detection and hide cybertronian life signatures, but jamming simple radio signals was apparently nothing the Decepticons bothered with. The problem with homing beacons was usually that they would either be jammed automatically, or registered as such and _then_ jammed or otherwise deactivated after a short time. However, there were countless radio stations on earth and broadcasting a certain song on loop at a certain frequency might have been unrecognizable as a beacon by the enemy, but if one knew what exactly to look for, it was easy to distinguish from the usual broadcasts.

Now the only thing needed to locate the exact origin of said broadcast was three receivers within range. Comparing the distance- related time lag between the three points and using that data to calculate the coordinates was child's play.

 _~Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena~_

"We've got a location. Are you ready?" Ratchet called, entering the coordinates into the ground bridge control hub.

"Locked and loaded."

"Let's go."

"Hey Macarena!"

"Autobots…"

"Opening bridge in 3… 2… 1…"

"… roll out!"

Bright blue light filled the room as the bridge powered up and just a seconds later, Ratchet was the only one left in their base. Now all he could do was to relay the coordinates to Wheeljack- and wait.

XXXXXXXXXX

Silica ducked into a doorway as a group of fliers stormed past her. She had successfully avoided to be spotted up to now and she wanted to keep it that way. She didn't know whether Breakdown had been able to inform anyone of her escape, but in any case trying to keep out of sight was the best course of action. For now at least.

Bending down, she wiped the energon off of her damaged ankle again and shook it off her hand and into the corner. The bleeding wasn't strong, but a constant drizzle would make it far too easy for anyone to find her, easier than a small, hidden puddle here and there.

When the Decepticons were out of sight again, she continued through the hallway. Making sure to check every corner carefully before walking out into another hallway, she made her way further towards the front of the ship.

"Hey! You! Stop right there!" The femme froze in her tracks. A couple of Vehicons had stepped into the corridor ahead and promptly spotted her. She spun on her heel and started running, or rather limping back in the direction she had come from. Shots were fired behind her, but she wasn't hit. As she was too slow to get away with her damaged leg, she took the first possible turn, stopped and returned fire, using the wall for cover. The inbuilt blaster in her arm had indeed been a good decision.

The 'Cons didn't leave her much time to fire at them in between their own shots, which allowed them to advance further towards her. Silica didn't dare transform as she couldn't fight in vehicle mode, so she tried her best to take them out with her blaster. She actually managed to hit one of them right in the face, at least she thought so. It was hard to see, having to duck back behind the wall after every round.

The sound of screeching tires, bellowing engines and a crash then reached her audios, followed by several transformations. Another peek around the corner made her spark jump with relief and tears sting her optics. Her hands raised, she stepped out from her hiding place, shouting the code word they used to avoid accidents.

"Friendly!" The guns pointed at her out of reflex were lowered.

"Silica!" Bumblebee exclaimed. She quickly limped towards the group of Autobots. The Vehicons that had been shooting at her lay on the ground, deactivated. One was missing part of his head, the other had been run over and crushed.

Optimus seemed a little surprised when she wrapped her arms around his waist and sobbed against his armor. After a few seconds, he relaxed a little and rubbed her back gently. He had of course noticed her injury, but apart from the nasty limp, she didn't seem too affected by it.

"I'm sorry, Optimus, I- I couldn't…"

"Calm down, Silica. Where are Flux and Bentona?" She looked up at him, swallowing her tears. Silica knew she had to be strong now- she wanted her sparklings back and she would fight to her last drop of energon if need be. Their leader's voice too carried an air of exceptional urgency barely heard with this degree. And he looked angry. Angrier, in fact, than she would have ever imagined he even _could_. It was not directed at her, but in that moment Silica was somewhat intimidated by him. She tried not to flinch.

"We got separated. They were still on the bridge when the 'Cons took me away, but they might have relocated them by now."

Optimus gave a grim nod. "We will find them. Can you transform?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Good. Stay between Arcee and Bulkhead. Bumblebee, keep securing the back. I am taking the lead. And…" He took a quick moment to look back at his team. "… should anything have happened to them, we shall make the Decepticons regret they ever even laid optics on them." In other words, they were to show no mercy- and they certainly wouldn't. Following their Prime's lead, they transformed and raced down the hallway.

XXXXXXXXXX

When Knockout's commlink notified him of an incoming conversation from Breakdown, the Decepticon rolled his optics. He'd just been on his way back to the med bay to go about fixing up some battered cannon fodder, but apparently, his partner was unable to just leave him to his business for five astroseconds.

However, he didn't expect the voice from the other end of the line to sound so… squeaky. He raised his brow at the weird noises.

/Kn… Knockout…? I… think I need some help…/

/Breakdown? What the frag is wrong with your voice?/

The sound of roaring engines drowned out what was said further over the commlink. Knockout turned around and jumped with fright. If there was one thing no Decepticon ever wanted to see, it was a band of furious Autobots driving towards them, least of all on their _own fragging warship_.

Knockout was no fool. Engaging the Autobots on his own, he wouldn't stand a chance- and he had no intention to even attempt it. Nope. So Knockout did what he did best: he turned, about to transform and flee. However, he never even got to fully activate his sequence, for Prime's hand had quickly taken a hold of his foot, swung him in an arc over his head and smashed him onto the floor harshly.

Static filled the medic's vision for a moment and in the next, there was an immense weight on his back and his head was yanked back none too gently to meet the icy glare of a very, very angry Prime. He gulped.

"You are going to tell me where my sparklings are. _Now_." The Autobots were quiet as their leader spoke. None of them had ever seen him like this. His voice was outright poisonous, a low, dangerous growl, dripping with the certainty he was going to dismantle anyone who would lay harm to the little ones or even keep them from him. It was a truly terrifying sight to behold.

"Please, please not the…"

"Not the _finish_?! Tell me where they are!" Optimus' fingers dug into the smaller mech's shoulder armor, producing the awful sound of metal being crushed.

"Argh! They're- they're down by the energon storage! Deck three, section B. Let go, I beg of you!" The Autobot commander stepped back, leaving the mech a shivering heap on the floor.

"Bumblebee." More of a command wasn't necessary. It was a matter of seconds before the Decepticon medic was in stasis cuffs and locked up in the next empty room.

They moved swiftly after that, sticking to their previous formation. The others were more heavily armed than usual, Silica noticed, and they were making use of their additional firepower, plowing through groups of Vehicons as they tried to stop them. Strangely, they encountered neither Megatron nor one of his officers before they reached a heavily guarded room in the area Knockout had described. The guards didn't stand a chance against them.

They entered the room cautiously. There was no telling as to what would await them in there- an ambush, booby trap or something of the like wasn't only possible, it was likely. But the only thing they found in the room was a heavy, locked crate. Optimus walked up to it slowly. He could detect no sign it was in any way rigged, but one could never know. However, he had a strong suspicion that something was very foul about this.

He broke the crate's lock, lifted the lid and gasped. After the initial relief, fury took over. How dare they.

In the box, his two tiny sparklings lay tied up and gagged. They seemed undamaged except for a few scratches, but there was pure terror in their optics. While the others secured the room, Silica fell to her knees next to him and helped him release their offspring. Flux and Bentona didn't wail, even after their parents had removed their shackles and gags carefully. They didn't even seem to really see their creators; instead, they kept staring into space, trembling as they were cradled lovingly. It hurt to see them like this.

The white and green femme looked up at Optimus, who was trying to comfort little Flux, holding the terrified mechling close. She could tell what he was thinking, as it was exactly the same thought bothering her: the fear that damage had been done to their little ones that could not be seen, could not be repaired. That they now knew the true meaning of terror and would never be the same.

"Scrap. They're here." Bumblebee informed them, watching the corridor, careful to not risk being shot. There were Decepticons closing in on them from both sides and this time, he could tell from the sounds of their footsteps there was at least one mech bigger than the Vehicons among them.

A loud clapping sound resonated from outside the room, huge palms being smacked together slowly but firmly.

"Bravo, Optimus." They all knew that rough voice. Of course it had been a trap. "I hope you're enjoying your little family reunion while you can. Surrender, Autobots. We have you surrounded."

Optimus looked up at his team, still kneeling beside Silica. They had anticipated the Cons to either use the sparklings to blackmail them or to use them as a bait- and they hadn't come unprepared. Slowly, he handed his son to Bulkhead and moved to step out into the corridor, raising his hands above his head.

Megatron chuckled when he saw his old enemy facing him. Had he looked closer, had he not been basking in the certainty of having gained the upper hand now, he might have noticed something was different. The Prime's controlled, deliberate movements were familiar, but the glimmer in his optics, the tiniest twitch of his face beneath that mask could have given his old enemy reason to suspect something was very wrong.

As it was, the leader of the Decepticons had made a grave mistake.

"Did you really believe it would be that easy?" Megatron growled. "I knew you were a sentimental fool, but this is outright idiocy. Prepare to meet your end, Optimus Prime, and know I will take great pleasure in ripping apart your foul spawn as well."

"Now!"

The Decepticons had no time to react, nowhere to flee as Arcee and Bumblebee lunged out into the corridor and fired their grenade launchers at them. Thick smoke enveloped the stunned bots, smoke that was being pierced by explosive, rapidly fired projectiles within the next second. The swiftness and sheer brutality of the attack took them by surprise. Mechs screamed as they were hurled aside, beaten into unconsciousness, shot, stabbed or run over. The sudden noise was deafening.

Megatron hollered and charged, but he could barely make out the shapes of the bots in his closest proximity. Enraged, he drove his claws through the mech whose blurry silhouette he could make out before him, but it turned out to be one of his own warriors.

He stumbled over more of his disoriented soldiers to follow the sound of screeching tires and howling engines- these damned Autobots were getting away, quickly. But this was _his_ ship and he knew the shortcuts they didn't.

Energon splattered on his windshield when his grill crashed into a staggering Vehicon. The brutal impact sent the smaller mech flying into the next wall. Optimus activated his wipers and decelerated slightly to let the rest of his team go past him. Now that he had cleared a path, he would put himself between them and their pursuers. Bulkhead and Arcee would hopefully be capable of dealing with more Decepticons blocking their way. No one was to get to Bumblebee or Silica, who were transporting one sparkling within their altmodes each.

He had already commed Ratchet to bridge them back, but the recalculation of their coordinates would take a few more minutes. His spark was racing as fast as his pistons were pumping to propel him forward and after his team.

Suddenly, his tires lost their grip on the smooth floor, he crashed into the wall, a heavy weight crushing his side. Optimus transformed quickly despite the immense pain and rolled out of the way just before a massive silver fist crushed the floor where his head had just been.

"Go!" He yelled after the others just when they were about to turn around.

"You cannot save them, Optimus!" Megatron sneered, kicking the Autobot commander in the chest. It hurt like pit and shattered his windows, but Optimus got back up, charged and tackled the silver mech. Megatron's optics went wide as he barely dodged a sharp blade aimed at his face, but he was too slow to avoid the punch thrown at him shortly after.

His own optics blazing almost white, Optimus let his attacks rain on Megatron. Remembering what he had said earlier about his sparklings only served to fuel his rage. His opponent was very obviously surprised at this uncharacteristic level of pure viciousness, struggling to keep him at bay. They both managed to land painful hits every now and then, knuckles getting stained with energon, armor tearing in several places.

Megatron screamed when Optimus managed to get a hold of his arm and kick his elbow so hard the joint broke, rendering his right lower arm useless. He in turn dug his claws into the Prime's side and inflicted considerable damage there, more energon staining his hand. The sound of heavy feet on metal floors was getting louder, Megatron's reinforcements were coming.

From the opposite direction, the unmistakable sound of battle was reaching Optimus' audios. He had to go, now. His knee rammed into the warlord's face with all the strength he could muster, throwing the other mech back and away from him, not without the latter gripping him harder with his functional hand and ripping off a large chunk of plating, exposing some of his internals.

Ignoring the agony surging through his neural network, Optimus ran in the direction his Autobots had gone. Three Vehicons foolish enough to get in his way were ripped to shreds, their mangled remains still twitching by the time he rounded the next corner.

Everything was a blur after that. He could see their spacebridge, his team in front of it, desperately fighting off their attackers. Metal crunched beneath his fists, bolts of laser fire surged past his audios. Megatron had followed him and was running towards them, backed by his troops. They had almost fought their way to their bridge, almost…

"COME ON!" Arcee yelled, practically shoving Silica with Flux through before she went to help Bumblebee and Bulkhead, who were still fighting. A Decepticon kicked Bumblebee's feet out from beneath him while he turned, he fell- and lost his grip on the little femme sparkling, who slid a fair distance across the floor, away from the bridge.

Optimus' spark jumped in his chest, he threw a quick look back over his shoulder. Megatron yelled at his troops running alongside him to shoot at them, and they did.

"Through the bridge, now!" Optimus hollered, picking his daughter up off the floor without slowing down and shielding her with his own body as the bolts of laser fire rushed past his helm. His shoulder was hit, but he carried on. As the last Autobot on the ship, he leaped into the ground bridge before it closed.

The only thought on his processor was to keep his sparkling save, curling around her as his velocity sent him tumbling across the floor harshly. Luckily, Ratchet was able to get out of the way just before Optimus crashed into the desk next to the ground bridge controls.

Silence. He didn't dare move for a solid twenty seconds, shivering, still in a tight ball around the infant. Finally, he unfurled slowly, only a bit, so he could check on Bentona. The sparkling was clinging to his chest, shivering and with wide optics, but undamaged. With a noise that was something between a shout and a sigh, Optimus, let his head fall back onto the floor.


	11. Into Exile

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

Some spoilers for the finale of the series in this chapter and the next I guess, so you've been warned.

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter Eleven: Into Exile**

For most of the Autobots, the shock started to really settle in during the hours following the attack on the Nemesis. They all carried injuries from the fight, most of them minor, but it could have been so very different. If the Decepticons had been just a little bit quicker, a little bit more anticipating their ferociousness, their anger…

Pure dumb luck had saved the sparklings, Silica and, truth be told, the rest of the team. They could have been offlined, all of them. Except for Ratchet, there would have been no one left to stand up against the Decepticons. No one to defend earth and its inhabitants. No one to save what was left of their home, of their species.

Optimus gripped the edge of the medical berth tightly to keep his hands from shaking while Ratchet repaired him. He was incredibly dirty, his armor crusted with mud and drying energon, quite a bit of his own, too, a disgusting grating sensation vibrating up his limbs whenever he moved a joint. His injuries had been a bit more severe, but after Ratchet had stopped most of the bleeding, he had insisted the rest of his team would be treated first, as he usually did.

The sparklings were fine, at least physically. They had been awfully quiet, they hadn't even cried. Ratchet had given them a light sedative so they would recharge, but even though he knew that some rest would certainly help, Optimus worried how the incident would affect them in the long run.

Through their bond, he had felt how terrified they had been. For the first time ever since they had been created, they had been genuinely afraid and as a parent, it was a horrible experience to feel that. No sparkling should ever have to fear for its life like that. Of course, they had done their best to calm them, to let them know they were safe now, but that wasn't easy.

Optimus didn't remember ever being so afraid either. His own death didn't scare him nearly as much as the prospect of his sparklings being harmed. He couldn't deny it had… done something to him and that, the fact that this fear held such power over him, was a highly unsettling realization.

His wounds welded back together and smoothed over, he was cleared for duty again and so he went to do what he would have liked to do hours ago: to take a shower.

The wash racks weren't empty.

"Uh… I'll leave you two alone." Bulkhead, who had just finished drying himself off, mumbled awkwardly. Optimus wanted to say something, but the words seemed stuck in his vocalizer and maybe that was for the better. After the ex- wrecker had left the room, the only noise remaining was the patter of the water hitting Silica's armor and the wet tiles.

They looked at each other silently.

He could tell she must have been scrubbing her plating zealously, but the grime sat deep within the cracks of her armor and would be difficult to remove without taking at least some parts off. Optimus stepped up to her and put his hand on her shoulder softly. She knew what he was offering and, with a small nod, accepted.

Silica didn't remember the last time her armor had been taken off. Unlike humans, Cybertronians didn't _undress_ on a regular basis. There usually was no need to and it was cumbersome. Taking off your armor made you vulnerable. With him, she had always felt safe, like nothing in the universe could harm her. They both knew that was very far from the truth.

His hands were gentle, but they felt rough against her delicate protoform. Optimus put the armored plating aside carefully as he removed the parts, the warm water washing away the mud stuck underneath.

She was standing with her back towards her leader, unsure of what to do with herself while he applied a generous amount of soap to her. It was comforting, somewhat, to have him touch her. All the same, she wasn't so sure this was a good idea.

His hands spread the foam all across her back, rubbing away the remaining dirt gently. His movements were not those of a bot wanting to clean another efficiently, oh no. Clean her he did, but his touch was slow, deliberate, firm but gentle. When he was finished with her back and shoulders, he continued scrubbing down her arms, then her waist, his front brushing up against her from behind.

She felt so warm, the metal of her protoform so silky and smooth, not at all like his own scarred hide. The femme's head fell back against his chassis as he cleaned her chest with slow, circular motions. The shock was still sitting deep; he had almost lost her last night, her and the sparklings. The slight vibrations her pulsing spark sent through her body tingled his fingertips. She lived.

Her sides were very sensitive, even more so now that he was touching her bare protoform. Her venting hitched when his big hands brushed that delicate area. She hadn't always been this tense when he had touched her, had she?

He told himself he did this to comfort her, but that was only part of the truth. He needed this, needed to touch her to confirm she was really still here with him, alive and well. And… he wanted to be close to her.

Silica turned around to face him. This situation, this strange, subtle uneasiness felt so familiar. His touch had lost its platonic taste quite a while ago, but it wasn't the passionate and determined touch of the mech who had sired her sparklings, either. It was something else, something gentle, affectionate. And right there, she decided that was a line of thought she shouldn't be indulging in.

Optimus bowed down to press his lips to hers, but she turned her head away, looking down at the wet tiles instead.

"Optimus… don't. You… I can't endorse this."

She didn't dare meet his gaze for the fear of seeing the pained expression she would certainly find there. His venting was shaky. The next words hurt her when they left her vocalizer, but it had to be said. For his sake.

"I'm destroying you. _We_ … are destroying you. Optimus, we… we can't…"

She had seen what he had become, what his love and fear for his sparklings, maybe even for her, had made him do. How ruthlessly and ferociously he had battled their enemies, so unlike the level headed, composed leader he was known to be.

The very concept of Optimus Prime, a mech shaped by crisis and war, was not easy to understand. He was who he was because this was who he needed to be, Silica knew that now. He had to be this unmovable constant, this ideal image. He was the heat shielding without which they would all burn up during atmospheric entry- and she had pried loose a tile.

Even though it had not been intentional, they had been playing a dangerous game by creating those sparklings, a game which had the power to destroy not only the Autobots, but all that was left of their people as a whole, as well as all of humanity.

Giving him someone he really feared to lose, someone more important to him than his usually so unwavering ethics, had driven a large crack through that image of who Optimus Prime was. She had tried to uncover the mech, the mortal inside, a mortal who could falter and leave the universe to descend into an age of terror, unprecedented in magnitude.

And Optimus… he knew she was right. That this was a path they could not follow.

And it was then that he knew that from the moment she had first laid optics on him, she had belonged to him. But all the same, she would never be his, just as much as he would never be hers.

"Silica… I'm sorry. I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't…"

"Don't say that." She looked up to him. It felt like she was looking into the optics of a broken mech, of someone who had only just realized the full extent of the sacrifice he would have to make for his people. It felt like a dagger was driven through her spark. "Don't you ever say that. Not even you… _nobody_ could ever be expected to withstand something like this. Don't you say you weren't strong enough."

She paused. She had made a decision, earlier. No one had been asked for their opinion, not even the father of her sparklings. The decision was a burden she wanted to spare him, so she'd made it on her own. There was nothing he could do or say that would change her mind now and she knew he wouldn't, because they both knew there was more at stake than them.

"I am leaving the planet, Optimus. And I am taking the twins with me. I talked to Wheeljack earlier and he said he knew of a neutral colony that's supposed to be safe."

"Neutral colonies don't take in Autobots. Any bot bearing a mark will be shot on sight."

"I know."

He frowned at her, knowing what those words implied. To be permitted in a neutral colony, Silica would have to become a neutral herself. He would need to expel her from the Autobots. She would take another name and deny all affiliation with them. Their sparklings' memories of him would fade and they would forget who he was. They would grow up as neutrals and without a father.

But they would live. They would be out of Megatron's reach. And maybe, just maybe, they would be able to grow up the way sparklings were meant to grow up, safe, able to explore the world around them, having peers to play with.

Slowly, Optimus nodded. His hand went to her shoulder, where the Autobot insignia was engraved on her protoform. He caressed it gently, feeling the structure beneath his fingertips. It belonged there, was meant to be there… but if they wanted to save their children, it would need to disappear from her skin and from her life.

"I… understand."

Tears were starting to form in Silica's optics, but the overhead spray washed them away. She moved closer to him then, until her body touched his. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he held her in turn. They stayed like that for a long time.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ratchet had said nothing when she'd asked him to remove the Autobot badges from her protoform and armor. A short nod from their Prime had been all the confirmation he'd needed. He had, in fact, never had to do this before. Up to now, he had only ever removed Decepticon badges of bots who had wanted to join their cause instead, never Autobot ones. It hurt him to do this, but he could imagine why she wanted them gone.

Her tears didn't slip his attention either. The procedure was mildly painful, but he knew the physical pain wasn't the reason why she was crying.

Even more so than he would usually have, he made sure no trace was left on her plating, perfecting the finish before scuffing her armor a little bit again at the end so the shiny patch where the mark had been wouldn't stand out.

Packing didn't take long. Silica had never had much to call her own and even less she would bother taking with her; almost all of the items she put in the transport box were things she would need for Flux and Bentona.

The sound of slow, heavy footsteps made her look up. It was Optimus. He looked so tired and somewhat lost, standing there near her door.

"Silica. I… believe I should apologize. I never meant for any of this to happen. Least of all sending you away. I hope you will be able to forgive me." So, back to being more formal it was. Maybe it was better this way, she thought, maybe this meant he was coming to terms with it. That, or he was enclosing himself in a protective wall of professionalism. Either way, it was easier to deal with the Prime than with a sparkbroken father.

"There is nothing to forgive." She replied quietly. "Optimus, we may have made a mistake, but… things happened as they happened. And… there is no mech in the universe I would rather have had by my side during these times."

"The sparklings…"

"They couldn't have had a better father. And I couldn't have had a better friend."

Optimus looked down at the floor, then reached into his subspace pocket to retrieve a small object. His gaze wandered over to the cradle, where his son and daughter were recharging quietly. They were far too young to understand what was happening. For a brief moment, he held on to the hope that he would see them again, when they were older, to get to know the bots his sweet little bitlets had become. However, even if he dreaded to admit it, it was unlikely. The war had already cost him much, but it wasn't nearly finished with him, he knew that.

"Maybe one day, the war will be over and we will meet again." He stepped up to her, their optics met. "But… should I not live to see peaceful days… please give them this when they are old enough. It might help them understand."

Optimus placed a small cube in her hand. It was old, its once smooth surface worn and scratched. It was a holocube. Silica had a good idea as to what it contained and closed her fingers around it firmly.

"I will keep it safe. Although I hope the need to activate it will never arise."

He nodded, then turned to leave the room so he could talk to Wheeljack.

"Optimus." He stopped, but didn't turn around. "Autobot sigil or not… you will always be my Prime. I would have followed you anywhere you led me."

There was a long pause before he replied and she felt like he had intended to say something different altogether. "I know, Silica. I know."

XXXXXXXXXX

Standing out in the open like this bore the risk of being spotted, so they had to make it quick. While Wheeljack was preparing his small ship for takeoff, Silica remained with the others. Bumblebee and Bulkhead were both fighting to keep their emotions in check as they said goodbye. Arcee was a lot more composed, but one could tell it was getting to her, too.

June didn't even bother to hide her tears when Silica knelt to give her a careful hug. The nurse understood the situation only too well and she wished she could think of a better solution, but she couldn't. Still, it was just so unfair.

Silica had never been so close to any of the other humans, but even with them, leaving was painful. She had come to like them, had considered them part of the team, part of the family. Their fate, along with that of the entire planet, rested on the Autobots' shoulders. And it was something she would not have the power to help them with anymore.

Ratchet took her by the shoulders gently when she walked up to him.

"Do you remember everything I told you about the supplements for their energon? How to mix the minerals?" He asked quietly.

"Yes. Yes, I remember."

"Alright. You'll take good care of them." Despite her sometimes problematic behavior in the beginning, he couldn't deny he cared about the young femme deeply, and not just because she was the mother of his Prime's offspring. Her spark was in the right place, but she was so inexperienced. And now, faced with the long and dangerous journey ahead, knowing she would be alone to fend for her sparklings and herself, she seemed even younger. She must have been so scared, he thought.

"Come here, kid." She let herself be pulled into a warm embrace. "You can do this." He murmured against her helm. She was shivering despite the heat of the desert sun. After a few seconds, they parted again and Ratchet held her at arm's length.

"Be careful around the neutrals. They don't like us any more than they do the Decepticons. Don't tell anyone who you really are or where you come from. Make up a different story and stick with it, alright?"

She sniffed and nodded. "Yeah. I will." Ratchet cupped her cheek in his hand.

"Good girl."

Behind them, Wheeljack cleared his throat. "Guys? Ship's ready. We better get going."

Optimus, who had been standing off to the side quietly, holding his sparklings in his arms, glanced at the wrecker, the mech he would entrust his family's safety to, even if it was only temporarily. He said he would be able to get them onto one of the freight ships heading towards the neutral colony as refugees and from there, they would be on their own.

It still didn't sit well with him at all, but it was possibly the only chance they had.

He held the little ones a bit closer. They knew something was going on, noticing how sad everybody seemed to be, but they didn't know why. Comfortable in his arms, they were snuggled up closely to his plating. The way they looked at him, how their tiny hands grabbed on to his armor, how warm they felt against him, how their sparks felt through the parental bond, all those things were, and always would be, imprinted in his memory.

Optimus was far from ready to let go of them- and he probably never would be. Silica stepped up to him slowly and put her hand on his arm softly.

"Optimus? It's time for us to go."

He drew in a long, shaky breath. "Yes…" Lifting his sparklings up a bit more, he nuzzled their little faces for a last time, pressing tender kisses to their foreheads. They wiggled a bit, Bentona put her hands on his face and studied him intently. She tried to hold on to him as he handed them to their mother carefully after that, but he wouldn't let her. Bentona cried out and now Flux too began to realize something was very wrong here.

When they were securely in their mother's grasp, Optimus adjusted the blankets they were wrapped in a little. It was warm here, but inside the ship, the temperatures would drop fairly quickly as they left earth's athmosphere. He and Silica shared a long look while the sparklings were starting to fret in earnest. Then she turned and started walking towards the ship.

There were too many things left unsaid, but neither she nor Optimus really _could_ say anything. It would only have served to make things more painful than they already were.

The little ones struggled to look back at him over her shoulders, reaching their little arms and crying out for him. Desperation seeped across the bond, tears welled up in his optics.

"Goodbye…" It was too quiet for anyone to hear over the wailing of the sparklings and the starting engines. Wiping his optics, he turned around himself, blocked the bond he shared with his creations and walked away, his feet heavy as lead.

Just before reaching the Jackhammer, Silica halted and turned back around. She looked at the retreating form of Optimus Prime- and that was the last she would ever see of him.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Jackhammer was only a tiny point against the slowly darkening sky now. Optimus shifted on his spot at the edge of the mesa, watching the small ship disappear from sight. So this was it. They were gone. If he was lucky, he would hear they were on their way to the colony when Wheeljack returned. After that, things would be as they had been before, at least to the outside world. As if Silica, Bentona and Flux had never even existed.

Someone was approaching him from behind, a human, if the sound their small feet were making on the gravel was anything to go by.

June sat down on a spot next to him quietly. After a few minutes of watching the little spot in the sky getting smaller and smaller, she finally spoke.

"This must be hard for you."

She felt a bit stupid after stating the obvious. Would he even want to talk about it? Probably not. Either way, June felt she could at least let him know she was there to listen, or to just remain silent. That she understood how he felt. When he actually did answer, she was more than a little surprised, but also relieved.

"I believed that, after all these years of losing those closest to me, saying goodbye would be easier." He said, his baritone not nearly as powerful as she was used to.

"Sometimes, making the right decision hurts."

"Was it the right decision?" He wondered aloud, straightening his back a little. "I cannot tell what will await them once they reach the colonies. Maybe they will never even arrive. Maybe I just sent my children and their mother to their deaths."

June crossed her legs and brushed a few small stones aside that had been poking her thighs uncomfortably. "Silica may be young, but she is strong enough to grow and meet the challenges they will face. Never underestimate a mother's will to fight for her little ones. I know I would do anything to protect Jack from any harm."

A thing they now had in common, being a parent. The Prime thought he understood some of the things she said or did better, now that he knew what it was like to worry about one's children. And, knowing how difficult it was to look after a sparkling, he had to admit he admired how well she had coped with Jack on her own.

"You raised your son without his father. It must have been difficult."

She nodded. "Very. But… despite all the hardships and night shifts, admonitions and neighbors looking down on us, I was happy. I was happy, Optimus, whenever I had a few minutes to spend with my son, when I could watch him sleep for a moment before my next shift started. And I think Jack turned out as well as he could, given the circumstances."

Optimus hummed. "I think very highly of your son, June. He is a very brave young man." Again, he wondered what his sparklings would be like when they grew up. Who they would be. And, when they found out about their true heritage, if they would be proud or appalled. He would probably never know. "I do not think I will ever see them again."

"You don't know that. You might. Their fate is out of your hands, yes, but yours isn't. If anything, they should be another reason for you to keep going. To make the world a better place. For them."

Oh, how he wanted to believe her in that moment. He would keep fighting, he owed them that much. But deep down in his spark, he knew that this time, goodbye had truly been forever.


	12. Epilogue

Transformers does not belong to me, blah blah, you know the drill…

 **Mistakes Made**

 **Chapter Twelve: Epilogue**

The ruby trees were blossoming, like they did every time this side of the planet was tilted towards Apbo, the system's sun. Old leaves rustled beneath Silica's pedes as she stepped out of the small house she now lived in with her family. She could already hear the roar of familiar engines in the distance.

It had been exactly five vorns, or three hundred and sixty earth years since they had left earth for this colony. Their arrival hadn't been easy and in no way free of scrutiny, but they had found their place here. News from the rest of the galaxy, while sparse, did reach the remote system every once in a while- some good, some bad, some outright devastating. At least to her.

When the war between Autobots and Decepticons ended, it was very big news. _How_ it had ended had been a harsh thing to learn for the white and green femme. She'd hidden her grief from the world though so as to not raise suspicion. Everybody here firmly believed she was neutral like them- well, almost everybody.

As far as the neutrals were concerned, Autobots were insignificantly more popular than the Decepticons. Both factions shared the image of warmongering primitives, brutal and short- sighted beings who knew nothing but violence when it came to solving a conflict. That was far from the truth of course, but being an Autobot or even speaking up for them was just not a good idea in a neutral colony. These were bots who had lost home, family and friends to this conflict after all.

Silica, even though she had never really fought except for training sessions and that one time while escaping from Decepticon captivity, would have been treated as a war criminal, just for being an Autobot. So she'd waited. Waited until her two eldest children were old enough and educated enough to actually be able to fully comprehend their origins, waited until the war was over and the resulting societal turbulence had somewhat died down.

She'd thought about returning home, to Cybertron. The planet lived and while still rough and battered, was apparently inhabitable. Refugees were returning, yet population was still incredibly low in numbers. The war had killed many, if not most of them- and what bot would be able to contribute more to repopulation than a breeder?

Not that she hadn't contributed to the growth of the population of this planet. Ironically, the father of her three youngest sparklings, Braze, was a Decepticon. Used to be, at least. And, believe it or not, he was probably also the first mech in history to bond with a breeder.

Neither of them had been sure it even was possible, but they were happy together. He knew where she had come from, knew exactly what and who she was. He loved her the way she was… and being a flyer and thus having the libido that came with it, he was more than fine with her promiscuity.

They were leading a good life here. The work days were long and demanding, but they were safe, had a nice home and enough energon. Except for nostalgia, there really was no reason to leave everything behind and return to their original home.

Silica had no idea what happened to the rest of team Prime, but even though she hoped they were well, she feared to run into any of them. It would have been too painful to see those familiar faces, to remember how that little group of bots had once been a family and to be permanently reminded of how there had been one mech who had held them all together.

Optimus Prime's death had left them with long overdue peace, but it had also left a gigantic emptiness, one which, in her opinion, no bot would be able to fill completely. Although, she thought to herself as two large framed altmodes drove up the slope to the house, there still was a part of him left in this world. Two parts, to be precise.

A few moments later, the two vehicles transformed into a mech and a femme in front of her. Tall, with long legs and wide chests, they clearly took after their father in body type. Both of them towered over their mother, having to bow down to give her a hug. They did so carefully, aware of their tiny half- sister growing within her.

"Hey mom." Bentona said, smiling down at her. Silica took a good, long look at her two eldest creations. They were both good looking and charismatic, clear and attentive blue optics telling of sharp minds. Both of them had moved to the next city several stellar cycles ago, to study, work and make a living of their own.

Flux, being the more adventurous of the two, had chosen the career of a xeno- biologist, spending much of his time exploring and studying foreign flora and fauna, while Bentona had become a historian. Funny how she had instinctively selected a profession so similar to her father's. All in all they were both doing well. A hint of sadness made Silica's own smile twitch. If only…

"Oh well. Come on in. I've prepared some of your favorite energon goodies."

"Mom, you shouldn't have." Flux chuckled, but his mother knew he would be the first stuffing his face with the goodies; he had always had a sweet tooth.

When they were both seated at the massive table in the living room next to the window, Silica sat down across from them, folded her hands in front of herself and gave a little sigh. "I'm glad you two could make it. Actually… there's a reason why I asked you to come here."

"Did anything happen?" Bentona inquired, her brows furrowing.

"No, no. It's just, well… you're all grown up now and I believe you're mature enough to handle the truth now." Silica said slowly. Her spark was starting to feel heavy.

"The truth? What do you mean? About what?" Flux was a little difficult to understand with his mouth full of the goodies, but his mother let it slide for now.

"I… never told you about your father. Your _real_ father."

They both just sat there for a while, looking at her silently. Braze had always been something like a surrogate father to them, but they had known he wasn't actually their sire- and their mother had always refused to talk about what happened before they arrived at the colony.

"He… um… he recorded something for you, back when we left to come here." From her subspace, she produced a small cube, dull metal rough beneath her fingers. She had always carried it with her, had guarded it carefully, for in the wrong hands, this message could have meant the destruction of her children's lives.

"Before you watch this," she continued solemnly, "there are a few things you should know. Your father was the kindest, bravest and most gentle bot I have ever met. He loved both of you very much… and he would have been so proud of you. He never wanted to send us away, but there simply was no other way. And… and no matter what you may have heard about him," Silica pushed the small holocube towards her two eldest carefully before she got up, "you can be proud to be his children, too. I'll leave you to it now."

Bentona and Flux stared at their mother as she left the room. Of all the things she could have possibly told them, this had been least expected. For what seemed like an eternity, they didn't dare to touch the little cube. Flux managed to break out of his stupor first, clearing his throat.

"Do you… think it's really him on that recording? That it's really our father?"

"It's what she said… right? But _'no matter what you may have heard about him'_ … that sounds strange, don't you think?" His sister asked in turn. She had always been a bit more attentive than him when it came to small details and right now, she was turning their mother's words over in her head. "That implies we will recognize who he is."

"I've always wanted to know…" Flux murmured, reaching for the cube slowly, but stopping when his sister spoke again.

"What if it's someone we don't like to be our father?"

"Since when are you afraid of the truth?"

She shook her head deliberately. "I'm not. I am who I am and the identity of our sire will not change that. I just thought it was something to consider."

"Hm. Fair enough. Should I?"

"…yes. Turn it on."

The young mech's dark finger pushed the small notch at the top of the cube lightly and a few seconds later, a bluish image flickered above the cube, taking the shape of a mech. It was Bentona who recognized him first, gasping.

"No… impossible…"

The mech from the hologram was undoubtedly the Autobot commander Optimus Prime. She had read about him, about his role in the history of their people, had seen recordings of his speeches and some battles, too. And she knew of his death at the end of the war. A cold shiver ran down her back. They couldn't possibly be _his_ offspring, could they?

Her doubts were all blown into the wind when he started speaking. His voice was deep, smoky and soothing and it touched something within her, a memory long forgotten, resonating in her spark.

"Dear Flux and Bentona. If you have received this, it means I did not live to see a new age of peace and I have become one with the Allspark. I cannot tell you how deeply sorry I am. I could not be there for you as you grew up. I did not get to tuck you in for recharge. I was not there for your first transformations. I never got to hold you or even to see you again. I wish things could have been different."

But his voice was not like the one she remembered from the speeches. It was soft, quiet, lacking the almost intimidating authority, but it was all the more powerful for it.

"You were mere sparklings when we were forced to part, but I hope, no, I know you have grown to become wonderful bots. I know you would have made me very proud. Had I only had the opportunity to get to know you."

His voice cracked a little at the end of that sentence, he paused. Flux remembered the warmth of his large body when he held him, his soothing words lulling him into recharge.

"I recorded this to ask your forgiveness for all the things I could never give to you. But know you have been in my thoughts, as well as in my spark, until my last moment. You are my children and I have loved you dearly. Always."

After that, the recording ended.

The saddest word  
in the whole wide world  
is the word _almost_.

He was almost in love.  
She was almost good for him.  
He almost stopped her.  
She almost waited.  
He almost lived.  
They _almost_ made it.

-Nikita Gill

 **The End**


End file.
